Communication is the lock and communication skills are the key.

In the past, my attempts with communicating have led to disappointment and frustration because what I said is generally discarded as irrelevant, not heard or not understood by the person I’m trying to communicate with. I have tried to communicate my needs or wants with the “I need” or “I want” opening, you know the “I” statement, but the attempt turns into a finger-pointing debate of who deserves what and why. Usually, I get so frustrated that my attempt to communicate in a “statement style” with neutral emotion is forgotten and I just “blow-up” or “shut-down.”

I know I need to relay the message in a non-confrontational way, yet at the same time let it be known that this is important to me. Hmmmm…. Think, think, think.

Taking the memory journey, I was unable to come up with a satisfactory answer, so I just decided to show my boundaries by living them. I took a day off for myself on Sunday, what a great relaxing day that was. Very few anxieties, got a few articles written and I relaxed. I purposely did not “give-in” to any of his wants or “do for me” requests. I just said, “I’m taking the day off.” (I did prepare food though!)

When Monday came, I was feeling good, actually looking forward to going to work. This was not to last though, I guess all the thinking about how to express “my need for me” and the action I took in regards to it, got the attention of the Law of Attraction. On Monday we ended up in an argument concerning time management and my desire for “me time”.

After I replayed this argument in my head for about three days off and on, trying to figure out what I said that set off the finger pointing once again, it dawned on me; it wasn’t what I said, but probably ”how” I said it and to “whom” I said it.

The use of the “I” statement does not work on a “me” person for productive communication. Why? Because a “me” person looks for benefits for their self and when an “I” statement is used by another, the statement is not doing, thinking or saying something for the “me” person.

The “me” person will hear “I” from the other person and a wall will instantly be erected because “I” from someone else are considered “fighting words” to a “me” person. So, the “me” person, generally will start a finger-pointing argument to change the focus from what you, the “I” wants to what you need to do for the “me” to keep them happy. Get it?

So, my next step is to figure out how to communicate my needs in a style that won’t be “fighting words”. This reminds me of the mother giving advice to the newly married daughter, “Make him think it was his idea.” I’m not one for manipulations and games, but maybe if I change my perspective from manipulation, in this case, to communication skills, I can figure this out for more productive communication in the future.

“With all successful relationships, communication is the lock and communication skills are the key.”

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