How My Blundering Caused an Unfortunate Death

I feel deplorable about this -- a session I conducted with the Ouija board which went terribly wrong and ended up in a tragic, senseless death. Here is the transcript of the Ouija session, and what happened:

I was conducting an Ouija session with my friend Brian assisting me at the board. Our friend Darcy was standing by recording the words the Ouija spelled out.

Opening Statement: Greetings! We open our minds to the Universe. We cast out minds onto the oceans of free-flowing intelligence seeking communications with other intelligent beings. Will anyone speak with us?

The oracle began to move very strong and swiftly, so that we could barely keep our fingers on it.

Answer: Who are you, and how can you possibly know where we are and what we are doing?

Question: We are human beings on what we call the planet earth. We are physical beings with conscious minds, and we are extremely curious. We like to ask a lot of questions. Will you speak with us?

Answer: It is most bizarre for us. The decision to speak with you is not ours. We cannot accept or reject. We must seek permission from our master to either speak with you, or not speak with you.

Question: Okay. Will you ask your master now if you can speak with us, or not, and how long will that take?

Answer: We will be lucky if we survive the request, yet we must ask, since you have made the request.

(Note: we were very unsure about what to say to this. But we continued anyway, to our regret).

Question: If asking permission will cause you danger, maybe you should just forget it and get on with your own business.

Answer: Impossible! That process is underway, and cannot be reversed. To not complete what is started dissolves our existence! You must wait for our response!

Question: As you wish. We notice you say "we". Are we speaking to more than one being?

Answer: We cannot communicate further without permission which my pair being now seeks. Please wait!

(Note: We waited around rather disconsolately but decided to continue, despite the odd situation. After a while, we asked more questions.)

Question: Have you received permission to speak with us?

Answer: Permission has been granted, but our master killed my pair being as punishment. I am now as if nothing, yet I go on, and must speak with you, but I am also required to cast the vibration of (unintelligible).

Question: Good lord! We are very sorry to hear about your Pair Being! This is not all that big of a deal to us, we just wanted to chat .... we don't know what to say!

Answer: Speak and honor the death of my pair being!

Question: Could you describe what you mean by Pair Being?

Answer: It is of our class to exist in pairs. My pair being was me and I was my pair being. We are of two, and never one -- until now!

Question: But why did you master kill your Pair Being merely for speaking with us, and for only opening an initial dialogue?

Answer: The master knows all and we ... I ... do not question!

Question: Again, we are sorry for the death of your Pair Being, and perhaps it is best for us to leave you alone.

Answer: My pair being is dead and I face an eternity of agony, and for this communication!

Question: Wow! Again, we feel so very terrible about all this. We only sought communication with a wise being to discover new information about other worlds.

Answer: My pair being is dead!

Question: What is your function and what were you and your former Pair Being, God rest its soul, doing when we contacted you?

Answer: Do you attempt a hex or charm or codex of (unintelligible) on my dead pair being with “God rest its soul?”

Question: No! We only meant this as a term of honor and respect!

Answer: What do you want?

Question: What is your function in your world?

Answer: We are among the priest class. We monitor the vibrations! We are paired for life and exist and exist in exquisite balance and we balance the energy of (unintelligible).

Question: Can you still do your job without your Pair Being?

Answer: The question is absurd! When our communication ends, I die!

Question: Maybe you should let us speak with your master and we can explain things.

Answer: Impossible! Please give meaning to the death of my pair being and communicate your important message!

Question: But you don't have to die after we stop talking, do you? What would be the point?

Answer: You obviously are strange beings -- one never knows what will emanate from the ocean of vibration. You vibrations have resulted in the death of my pair being!

Question: We are very sorry. We hope that you won't die. Our only message is that ... well .. we have had many other beings tell us that there really is no such thing as death, and So perhaps your Pair Being lives on in a kind of afterlife. Perhaps that will comfort you.

Answer: Is this the knowledge you wish passed on to our master?

Question: Sure, you can tell him that if you want. But, is there something else we can do to make things right and put things back into balance? We don't want you to die. We don't even know your name? What is your name?

Answer: My pair being is dead! A name for what was once us can no longer exist! All is nothing!

Question: Go tell your master that our very powerful vibrations insist that you do not die, and that, if possible, your Pair Being must be restored to you, and that we too are very powerful masters of the vibrations!

Answer: Your concepts are strange. They will be added to the master base of knowledge. I go before my master. I go to die!

And that's where the communication ended. Needless to say, we felt bad about it all. Did we stumble and bumble our way into some kind of transdimensional manslaughter? It's hard to know. But after that, we tended to ask for communications only with beings who could communicate with us at no risk to themselves -- but this is hardly effective, because so many the strange beings don't understand what that means away -- it all seems to be a cosmic crapshoot, sometimes.