1:44 AM - What Women Want
Current mood: achy

... since I know you were waiting for me to tell you ... lol

Actually, this doesn't "come from" me ... I know you wouldn't think so, even if I claimed that it did; you've seen my 'attempt to give.'

But here it is:

Hey guys,

One thing I hear in the "background" in my conversations and consultations with other guys is they're afraid they can't "please" a woman or "keep her happy."  They never come right out and say it, but I can tell it's on their mind, and is affecting their relationships with the women in their lives.

Men are conditioned from an early age that they need to "please" a woman, or she'll leave, and that the way to do so is with gifts, money, favors, etc.  It's a big problem, but luckily there's an easy solution. 

You see, women don't like this idea of men pleasing them any more than men do.  At first it sounds good, but when they meet a man who showers them with gifts, compliments, and anything else designed to "please her" something just doesn't feel right.

She should feel attraction, but she doesn't.  Then she meets a guy who's a naughty boy, creates emotional challenges, flashes a strong, sincere side who does NOT give her gifts, compliments or actively try to please her... and she feels incredible attraction.

Believe it or not, what women want is really simple--they just want a man they feel attracted to.  If he buys them things because he wants to, great.  If not, that's OK too.  Women do not want to be "pleased"--they want to feel attraction.

The act of "trying to please" actually creates "ant[i]-attraction."  Why?  Because when you start thinking, "Is she pleased with me?" you've let the authority in the relationship transfer to her, and women just hate that. 

What she'll start doing when she senses this is start testing you more and more, to see if you'll "snap out of it" and start acting like a man again. She may start demanding gifts, favors, etc., not because she really wants them, but because she wants to see you put your foot down (firmly, yet gently) and act like a man in charge. 

Unfortunately most guys think the way to please her is to give into her demands, and when they do that it gets worse.  Why? Because you're doing the opposite of what she really wants.

Understand this:  women don't consciously do this.  In fact, many try not to, but wind up doing it anyways.  It's simply a biological behavior, like, say breathing.  Luckily, there's a biological answer--quit trying to please her, and start creating attraction (see http://www.effortlesscommunication.com/enter.htm for secrets on creating attraction).  When you do this, everything changes.  You're in charge, she feels attraction, and she's happy.

Now, being in charge does not mean being controlling and manipulative.  Not at all.  Nor does it mean not treating her as a partner and an equal.  It simply means making decisions for yourself without worrying if she's pleased or not. 

Create the reality and present it to her--if she doesn't like it, she'll let you know, and you simply create another option.  In my experience most women tend to accept the initial one, happy that they finally found a guy who would do that instead of trying to "please her."

Stop pleasing and start attracting... you'll both be happy then.

On with the fun....

-John Alanis
"The King of Let 'em Come to You"

First I'll boil it down to a nutshell (for everybody), then I'll get personal.

Boys, be good to yourself; the girls will like you if there's something to like. Don't whip it out and flog it `til you can flog no more; just trust that the girls will see what they like if you are a good-boy to yourself.

There, that's the nutshell; was it good `fer `ya babe?

On with the personal shtuff (I'll try not to cry so much this time ).

See, conditions for me are such that I can't just up and decide to go somewhere. (Not more than 20 miles away [rough guess] if I want to get there the same day.) That naturally led to the assumption that, if someone isn't planning to be someplace, they won't agree if someone else persuasively affirms to them that they ARE going to be there.

After she DID agree, I went to the place we were to meet. I didn't really want to stay there as long as I did (they'd canceled the music that night), but she wasn't there when I got there. I stayed three hours, and got angry that she didn't show. (I'm pathetic; I was actually looking forward to meeting her, such a loser I am.)

I called her to vent some of the anger, wrote about it here (accidentally using my dark evil in a 'bad' way ), and she decided that a) she was very sorry that my powerful will had forced her to lose control of herself and b) I was too crazy for her to handle.

If she can find a man crazier than me, even the most-unruly children will be to her as horny sheep to the petting-zoo's keeper.

So you can see why I go for lesbians (also typically Buffy-fans): they know that women are more-desirable as partners, they've declared they "walk that way," and yet they decide that my "love" (or whatever) is worth the sacrifice of all the women they can love.