Step 1 = It is important to know your tolerance to risk. It is even more important to know the risks taken by your companies, but as they are not going to disclose these then better to focus on something you know.

Step 2 = Instead of investing in stocks you should consider options or covered warrants. I'm not really too sure what these are but I can see that they cost less than the stock so that if things go tits up you won't lose so much.

Step 3 = Do your research before buying a stock. Read as much as you can so that when the board of directors is fired you will be qualified to apply for a job. However, everything you read will be out of date, partly fictional and likely speculative.

Step 4 = Also, read the financial press and subscribe to online financial newsletters. But be careful that you don't forget to turn up for work, otherwise you will not earn any money to invest.

Step 5 = Options and warrants have expiry dates so make sure you also invest in a calendar.

Step 6 = All these tips will help you in deciding which are the perfect stocks... possibly.

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From Worthless Advice, a satirical swipe at "How to" articles.

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