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How to Tell If A Guy's Interested in You on A First Date

posted April 12, 2008 - 1:30am
How to Tell If A Guy's Interested in You on A First Date

Knowing whether a guy is interested on the first date isn't usually very difficult. In fact, if you have trouble figuring it out he's probably not interested.

Most first dates with guys who are genuinely interested in you (for who you are and not for some other reason) take place after the guy has been wanting to ask you out for at least a little while. You may have seen his interest in you in the way he approached you, the way he talked to you, or the way he looked at you long before the date. You may have sensed that he would eventually ask you on a date, so by the time that first date takes place you would already have a pretty good idea that he's interested.

Even without any pre-date interaction or signals, however, you are not likely to miss the signs that a guy is genuinely interested in you. That may be because humans have not yet lost the biological hardwiring that sets some courtship practices in motion, or it may be because the guy's behavior is just clearly different. It may be different from his usual behavior, or it may be different from the behavior of people who are not on a first date with someone they really like. You may not even be able to pinpoint exactly why his behavior is different, but you will recognize "different" when you encounter it.

In the romantic song, "Chances Are," recorded by Johnny Mathis back in 1957, there is a line that says much about this "different" demeanor: "Just because my composure sort of slips....". This may best represent the feelings of a guy who is interested in you.

Having said that, the following are some things that guys who are interested in you, for who you are, may demonstrate:

1. They usually make an effort to wear their best outfit and smell noticeably good.

2. They may have a facial expression that makes them seem a little more little-boyish in some way, and they seem more innocent than someone their age usually would (or they, themselves, ordinarily do). This has nothing to do with whether they act outwardly happy to on the date or how often they smile. Those things can be faked. This is something that isn't very easily faked.
A note about smiling and laughing: Broad smiles don't mean much. Strange little beginnings of a grin do. Laughing may not signal he's interested, but it is a good sign in its own way.

Another line from "Chances Are" is, "Chances are 'cause I wear a silly grin." Again, this pretty much says it.

3. They may try to make you laugh. Many guys will say they like girls/women who make them laugh. They are, perhaps, trying to impress you with their ability to make you laugh, but sometimes it may more be a matter of their wanting you to really have an enjoyable time.

4. They may be more likely to talk about their family. This could be because they are seeing you as someone who may become more a part of their life (at least for a while), or it may be that they are trying to put you at ease (by letting you know they are close with family, which is the opposite of the guy who is distant from his family and ridden with "issues"). A reference or two to a childhood trip to Disneyland with siblings isn't really talking about family. "Talking about family" is more talking about where his father works and how long he's worked there, how is sister is planning to move to Arizona next year and why, etc.

5. They may treat you particularly respectfully

6. They may suddenly appear to show signs of being an "old fashioned gentlemen", by opening a door, buying you flowers, or being sure to walk closer to the street than you.

7. They may make a statement that lets you know.

8. Well before the end of the date they may mention some activity or event that is coming up and ask if you may want to go to that.

9. They may encourage serious discussions that they would generally reserve for someone for whom they have respect, and in whom, they have interest. This would not necessarily be "serious" as in, "how bad I felt when my father died". It could, though, be a less intimate discussion about the realities of a boy growing up without a father. Also, most new relationships get to those "meaning-of-life" discussions and those "what-I-want-in-life" discussions. Another type of discussion usually dealt with fairly early in a relationship is the "what-I-think-about-everything" discussion. If even brief versions of any topics like these are brought up on the first date there is the likelihood future dates are on his mind.

10. He may aim to show you how sweet, whimsical, or wholesome he is. That could involve his buying you a cute little stuffed animal or novelty, asking if you want to go to an amusement park or fair, or suggesting renting bikes or skates.

11. He may talk so much he finds himself hyperventilating, and then just tell you he's hyperventilating and doesn't know why.

Some of the above behaviors can be faked, although faking the overall picture that the guy who is interested presents is more difficult than imitating a few behaviors. No list, such as the one above, is ever foolproof. (Speaking of faking, don't go by eye contact. Guys know how to use eye contact to create the impression of interest. Don't go by compliments, which can really be flattery. Don't go by gallant gestures. Those are often more about his image of himself, or else what he thinks will win you over or impress you, than about you.)

That's why - when all is said and done - it is sometimes best to just enjoy the date, reserve judgment, and wait to see if his face or demeanor demonstrate any of those hard-to-mimic and hard-to-describe signs that he is interested in you. As mentioned earlier, if you have trouble figuring it out chances are he isn't "the right kind of 'interested'".

View My Other Xombytes at: http://xomba.com/user/lisa_hw



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