As I look around, I see lots of young men, and remember when I was younger. I remember when I was their age and could have considered myself a part of their romantic world. I remember, when I was their age, wanting to hurry up and become a woman quickly. When I was their age I had no patience - always wanting to move life forward, always wanting something I didn't have. When I was their age all I wanted to do was hurry up just to find a way to settle down. Like a person frantically in the middle of a hard week's work. And, at last, Friday arrives. All she wants to do is get in her car and drive like there's no tomorrow, just to stop at a B&B to relax for a while. When I was their age I always tried to force things, and they ended up being something I never bargained for. When I was their age all I wanted to do was hurry up and dive into something I didn't know anything about. When I was their age I made promises I couldn't keep, because I didn't know what the promises embraced. When I was their age I was more capable of diving in on faith, but having no basis for that faith that I went on.
What I would give to be their age again, to be able to make mistakes, to not feel so claustrophobic, caved in by a clock. What I would give to be able to have more time to spend just discovering myself first. What I would give to have more time to know what I wanted out of life. What I would give to find all of this: lessons, self-discovery, true goals - in the meantime, finding my lost half. What I would give to be able to love him as I have, and let him go. What I would give to give him freedom to realize, on his own, what he had given away. What I would give to be younger, to feel I really had that time to give away. What I would give to feel I wasn't pressuring him in any way.
At this time, maybe all of this means more. At this particular time it's more of a sacrifice. At this time I have found someone that other people never find in a lifetime - even if they have someone. To know that feeling is better than to have never known that feeling at all (or to think you're happy, only to find out later that you sold yourself short). Now I know what I want. Be it with him, someone else, or no one else at all - I find myself content only with everything. Once you find that feeling you never want to settle for anything less, and will be content in solitude if you never discover it again.
Even to dream events that would happen in a lifetime together, only to find yourself alone - not able to fulfill those hopes. I am content to have loved and been let down than to have never loved at all.