Forget pundits. Forget political polls and their error margins.

If you want to know who will be the next president of the United States, I have the answer.

I checked more important data: the moon, the stars, the planets, the Chinese zodiac, numerology, and of course, Las Vegas. If the candidates would let me, I’d toss in a phrenology session, too.

McCAIN: On the Republican side, we have John McCain, a Virgo, a Rat in the Chinese zodiac, and a 4. Vegas had him at 7-5 when I looked recently.

Horoscopes differ according to the expert, but I found the following at stariq.com: McCain has a need for balance and justice, he’s very pragmatic and not an ideologue, and a mix of conservatism and liberalism, but with a leaning toward the former. His signs don’t look all that good, but they are similar to George W. Bush’s, and we know what happened there.

As a Rat, McCain is among good company: George H.W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Clark Gable, Louis Armstrong, T.S. Eliot and Cameron Diaz.

This year is not a good one for Rats, who are likely to feel gloomy and pessimistic. It was recommended that by December he would be so down in the dumps he should take a trip, but it must be West or North. I believe the White House is in the East.

As for the numbers, the main number of 4 means that McCain is into service, steady growth and struggling against limits (can you say fund raising?). A 4 is serious and sincere. On the other hand, 4s need to be careful about becoming dominant and bossy, a trait that has come out on occasion.

CLINTON: Now the Democrats. Hillary is a Scorpio, a Pig (or Boar – and I’ll ignore both double entendres), and a 6. The Vegas odds I saw were 4-1.

Scorpios with all the various moons and alignments that she has are strongly pushed to succeed (duh), but should feel fortunate to have a job at all (another duh). She has a great talent as an actor, which she uses to get what she wants. The position of Saturn says she has a nuts-and-bolts approach (whereas Obama’s Neptune positioning says he has the ability to sell dreams of a better world – pretty cool!). Last, Hillary’s moon is apparently in Leo, wherever that is, and 10 former presidents have shared that fact.

Other pigs are – ahem – me, and: Woody Allen, Bryan Adams, the Dalai Lama, Billy Crystal, Glenn Close and Humphrey Bogart.

Pigs will travel a lot this year, but the year doesn’t really look good until May, and then it will run only to end of 2009. Most important, pigs will lose some personal items this year, such as a wallet or keys. Could it be the keys to the White House?

As a 6, she is responsible and balanced. She has a sympathetic, kind and generous personality with openness and honesty in all relationships (unlike Bill….). On the downside, a 6 sometimes has difficulty distinguishing helping from interfering. She dreams of being a leader, seeking unconquered heights. Some people may see her as aggressive and self-assured. Really?

OBAMA: Barack is a Leo, an Ox, and a 1. Vegas had him at 2-3.

Obama’s Leo settings tie him to radical change and the positioning of Pluto (is there less influence now that it is no longer a full-fledged planet?) leads to the support of influential and powerful people. The online reading from February was generally quite favorable, but then it also predicted the Ohio and Texas primaries would go well.

Other well-known Oxes: Richard Gere, Jim Carrey, Warren Beatty, Johann Sebastian Bach, Napoleon, Charlie Chaplin and George Clooney.

Oxes will enjoy a good career year if they co-operate with partners. Obama will get opportunities to increase the odds (Vegas says he doesn’t need it) of getting a desired promotion. He is more likely to get help from men than from women. There are some negative potential problems with current plans, but changing the plans instead of sticking with the old is the answer.

Ones are pioneers, independent leaders and individualistic, keen administrators. Ones have little need for supervision, preferring to act on their own. They are self-confident and self-reliant. On the down side, ones tend to be egotistic and self-centered – it’s an aggressive number. Ones often want to dominate to be the boss (i.e., no veep).

Because I couldn’t think of a good headline for this article, I tried an anagram maker. Pick your winner. Based on my own tea leaves and her moon in Libra, by the way, it’ll be Hillary. Obama’s ego will lead him to implode aggressively somewhere along the way.

• John is mendicancy
• Johns in candy mice
• Hillary: A cold thin morn
• Rot Hill cannily
• Lo, tyrannic Hill
• Barack heinous abeam
• A Bushier casaba monk
• A cabana bro hikes

Please check out more (eventually) at http://xomba.com/user/truite and my blog at http://nobodyaskedbut.blogspot.com