I Love Picture.com!

Last year, as a lark, I submitted a photograph for a competition at Picture.com. I knew very little about the site; can't remember how I came upon it. Sometime after I submitted my photo, I receive a letter in the mail with their return address. I'm all excited now, convincing myself I'd placed in the contest and there was a big fat check inside the envelope. No such luck. But my spirits were lifted somewhat after reading the enclosed letter, and I discovered that, although my work had not won a prize, the judges deemed it worthy to be published in their upcoming volume of photography. Oh joy! Now my picture will be seen by...well, every other photographer who is dumb enough to fall for this scam.

This all sounded very familiar. I remember when I was in my late teens and first started writing poetry. I'd entered one of my compositions in a poetry contest I'd read about in the classified ad section of some magazine. I received a very similar letter, announcing how thrilled they were to inform me my poem was chosen for their upcoming anthology. Even at that young age, I knew they were just in the business of selling these worthless books to gullible poets wishing to see their words in print. But I purchased it anyway just so I could claim to be a "published writer".

Since the initial letter from Picture.com, I've received countless emails praising my photograph and hawking more products to commemorate my outstanding photographic achievement. Below is the latest:

Dear Kent,

We hope you are as proud of this achievement as we are of you, and that you will want to share this great news with your family and friends. You may even want to get one of these prints for a member of your family or a loved one.

Holy crap, do they lay it on with an industrial shovel, or what? But I have to admit I get a serious hoot out of these emails. I could have blocked them a long time ago, but their approach is just so over-the-top, it's beyond hysterical. I'm always forwarding these emails to friends and adding things like: "Man, I've hit the big time! I'm so proud, I could bust all over my flat screen!"

I love Picture.com. Honestly, sometimes I actually lose myself in the monstrous layers of ego pumping B.S. they dish out, and get all warm and fuzzy. I hope they keep sending them for many months to come.