Last week, I was forced to make a doctor's appointment when a nasty case of poison ivy got the better of me. I've had bad cases before, but this one was driving me slowly insane. I couldn't sleep for the painful itch, my leg had swollen so much it was painful to walk, and the blisters were approaching the size of a vitamin capsule. Too bad I didn't take some pictures, it could have really dressed up this article.

Off I went to the clinic, and after thoroughly grossing out the nurse, the doctor came in and had a quick look at my condition: "Yep, that's poison ivy," he confirmed. "Do you know where you got into it?"

"Well, near as I can tell, it was somewhere in the great outdoors. I know I haven't seen any poison ivy vines crawling over the furniture." I'm such a smart-ass, but he laughed.

After a few minutes, he wrote me a prescription for prednisone. I've heard a few horror stories about this synthetic corticosteroid, which is prescribed for a variety of inflammation problems. When I started to read the long list of possible side effects, I had to take breather about half way through.

Stomach upset, headache, dizziness, trouble sleeping, weight gain, heartburn, puffy face, mental/mood changes...Holy crap, what kind of evil drug have I been prescribed?. Well, I figured nothing could be as bad as the last few days I'd spent tossing and turning like a banked catfish as the demon prickly rash slowly spread and ravaged nearly 20% of my body. And this stuff is cheap! I couldn't believe it was less than 15 bucks for 12 days worth. By the next morning, considerable relief had set in, and the inflammation was lessening. I actually managed a decent night's sleep.

Half-way through the next day, I was feeling quite energetic and a little euphoric, even. A little later on, the pendulum swung the other direction. Ahhh, mood swings! Side effect number one. I also noticed that I could break a sweat with minimal effort. By the third day, all I had to do was think about performing some relatively simple yard or home task, and I began to resemble a drowned rodent. There's nothing more fun than having to jump into a shower every other hour. Funny, I don't remember that being listed as a one of the side effects. Increased appetite was, though, and by the fourth day I became a slave to my ravenous hunger. I've always heard long term use of prednisone can lead to weight gain. Now I know why. I haven't experienced such overwhelming desire to inhale a bag of potato chips since the last time I blazed up a bowl many, many, many, many...decades ago? Ok, it's only been a few years, but it was strictly for medicinal purposes, I swear.

Maybe my header is overstating the case somewhat, but compared to being savagely and grotesquely attacked by your own skin, it was a thoroughly pleasant experience. I've tapered down to my last pill, and quite possibly may top out at just two showers for the day. And at no time during the course of the last 18 hours did I feel like bludgeoning anyone with a kitchen appliance (irritability, forgot to mention that one) or throwing myself in front of a fast moving Hummer. I'm back to my semi-normal self. I love prednisone!

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