I may very well be the smartest man alive.

 It might be crossing the line to titillate any other lies.

 I never bother with my eyes, I judge with the knowledge of the mud that I've trudged through.

 This vast intellect is a bit of an issue.

 Everything represented by the noise of a billion tongues has been stung by the insensitive prick of idiot bugs. 

Everyone else shouldn't feel bad for being left on bottom shelf. Just bask in my glory pay attention to the story; you may pick up some pointers, although you'll probably find it boring.

Maybe in a few years some of the others will learn to read.

In which case I could have waited to let everyone see.

The truth is now clear, I am the smartest man alive and I am probably going to be voted the most modest this year.

I came to this conclusion after I woke up and realized that the air is nothing more than plant vomit