© Pete Malicki 2008

Before you wonder how I knew that about you or before you start questioning your sexuality, I want you to pause. Don’t pause for thought; actually physically pause. I’m serious, don’t move an inch. Okay, now move your eyes. Direct them at your arms. Then your shoulders. Then look down at your lap.

You are not straight. Physically straight. I wasn’t trying to insinuate that you’re gay, but it’s funny how your mind went there. Now stop staring at your lap before the people around you start wondering.

In all seriousness, the majority of computer-users have very ordinary posture. When you looked at yourself you probably noticed some if not all of the following: your arms are out in front of you; your shoulders are rolled forwards; your upper back is curved and your lower back is slouched; your head is protruding; and your legs are crossed. Does this look at all like you?

The average computer-user has very familiar problems. The rotator cuff gets tight from the arms being outstretched to use the mouse and keyboard, which can cause all manner of weird sensations in the arms and hands such as numbness or pins and needles. Rolled shoulders lead to tight and shortened pecs, slouched posture leads to back pain and reduced mobility, and the protruding head makes the neck muscles really tight, especially the sternocleidomastoid (which is the one that shows when you scream). All of these things lead to neck pain, headaches, fatigue, and hunchbackery. Even without RSI and arthritis the problems are multitudinous.

If you’re feeling a little concerned or self-conscious right now, you should be. These problems are serious by virtue of the fact that so many of you are in this posture all of the time. We were not built or evolved (take your pick) to spend 7+ hours per day sitting at a desk and doing so is very bad for the body. Most importantly, your problem will not fix itself. Honestly. It never does.

When I work as a chiropractor’s assistant I see people who neglected themselves for too long and sought help too late. These people are beyond repair and the best we can do is help them manage their pain, headaches and hunches. Yes, the body does reach the point of no return, so it’s vital we take care of ourselves. Even if your posture at the computer is perfect, you probably still need to do something, especially after a busy day/week/year/lifetime.

There are some basic things you can do to help your body in general, such as eating well, exercising, staying hydrated, taking breaks and being mindful of your sitting position. There are also some more specific things we can do to battle the scourge of computer life.

The most obvious thing would be to spend less time on it. This is of course completely impractical for a lot of us. I mean, you could put a powerful magnet next to your hard drive and say, ‘Uh, boss, something seems to be wrong…’ but don’t let me put that somewhat-illegal idea into your head.

What most people need to do is stretch. Ideally we’d be doing this briefly every hour or two and again for half an hour one evening per week. Most people don’t do that. More to the point, most people won’t do that. We’re happy to spend 8 hours a day stressing over someone else’s problems (Pete’s summation of office work) but we won’t spend an hour looking after our health. We are weird creatures, aren’t we?

A really great stretch to do every hour is to stand up, spread the arms wide and raise the head back. Pretend you’re on the set of a B-grade movie. Your loved one’s just died and you scream ‘Why?’ into the sky. This pose opposes that of the cramped-up computer hunch.

Massage is another great thing we can do. It can help relax those tight muscles, alleviate headaches, and restore your body’s range of motion. Certain muscle groups such as the rotator cuff and the deeper muscles in the neck are very hard to stretch out and massage is the most effective way to get into them. A good massage therapist will also give you advice on your posture and show you specific stretches for the areas in need. For a lot of people massage is the difference between pain, stress and headaches, or normality.

But my overriding point has to be this: don’t just nod your head and agree with what I’m saying (because you know it’s true). Do something about it. If you keep using the computer, day in day out, business as usual, you will have problems. Guaranteed. Please, for your own sake, be proactive with your health and don’t grow a hunch.

No one wants a hunch.

www.petemalicki.com