I will never get back that time.....

As I get older I learn that things that used to be important to me are not so important anymore. I learn to not sweat the small stuff and I learn to pick my battles. I learn that life is a gift. A gift that can be taken away at any second. So I have learned to value my family more because I never know when it will be the last time I get to see them. I have learned that someday things that I have taken for granted will no longer be, such as calling my mom or dad to get their advice. No more I love you's and see you to tomorrows. No more going to lunch with my sisters, who are the best friends I will ever have in my life. No more snuggling close with Travis and no more being daddy's little girl.

I can never get back the time, now looking back that went so fast that seemed to go by so slow once before, when I was little. No more sitting on my dad's lap watching t.v. No more asking my mom to put curler's in my hair before I go to bed. No more going to run free on the farm for the week during the summer and hanging out at the post office. No more staying up late playing cards till I can't keep my eyes open with my aunt. No more making tents with all the dining room chairs and all the blankets that we could find. No more feelings of excitement when the holidays come like we all had when we were kids. No more staying at grandma's house and being able to dress up in all her jewelry anymore or filling the bath tub all the way up with water and as much Mr. Bubbles as I could. No more playing with Nan's arms.

I can never get back the time, that still seemed to move slow but just slightly faster, when I was a teenager. No more staying up all night doing things that I never should have done. No more days of not caring about my future. No more hanging out every single day with friends. No more "it doesn't matter if I go to work today or not."

I can never get back the times when I was a teenager when I should have been at the hospital with my mom instead of out with my friends. I can never get back the snack-n-yaks, birthday's and other get together's with all the family I missed because I wanted to hang out with my friend's instead.

If I could go back in time I would do some things different. I wouldn't take for granted the weekends camping with my mom and dad. I would have listened more to my parents and understood that they just wanted the best for me at all times. I would have never started smoking. I wouldn't have fought with my sister or my mom.

As I get older I now know what is important. I know that I need to live everyday like it is my last. I know that tomorrow may never come. I know that my family is the one sure thing in my life. I know that I am not invinsible. I know that sooner or later the people that I love most will no longer be there. I now know what it is like to be looked up to instead of looking up. I know what it is like to be responsible for a life. I know now how it feels to be an aunt. I know now what it is like to love someone more than myself. I know now that it is now the time to make the most of the time I have with my loved ones. I know now how important my parents really are to me. I know now that even after all the best friends I have ever had, the only ones that have ever really been my best friends have been there for me for the 27 years of my existence and they are my sisters. I know now why my mom worries so much. I know that life is very delicate. I know that life is scary and confusing. I know now that life is full of pain, love, happiness, sadness, joy. I know life is full of moments that I took for granted and will never get back, moments that I can only remember because they are no more.