Imagine yourself, for a moment, standing on the top ledge of a very tall building, about one floor down from the roof; the wind blowing your hair about unfashionably; you don’t dare look down because you’ll get dizzy and you just might fall; it’s cold out here where you are; there is one persistent thought running through your mind all the time you’re standing here; you can’t shake the thought; it pounds in your mind as you stand here. Unbeknownst to you, a crowd has gathered many stories below on the sidewalk across the street. Fire trucks have also gathered below you and the large net to catch fire victims who must jump from windows to save their lives is in the hands of no less than eight very able-bodied firemen, waiting for you to jump. But that darned persistent question keeps aggravating you as you stand here.
Aside from that bloody question that keeps hammering on your brain, there is the thought that you may have forgotten to do the dishes from this morning. And one thing you hate to do more than ever is to leave the breakfast dishes till the afternoon, or, God forbid, the evening. You know how it makes you feel so out of control and sloppy. And you are not a slob. In fact, you are one of the most tidy people you know. If someone should enter your place and see dishes in the sink from breakfast, what would they think of you? And you can’t have people thinking the wrong things about you. It would ruin your reputation. And you’ve spent years building a good reputation so that when you are recognized on the street or in stores, that people will feel it an honor to say they met you, personally. Wow! So now there are two questions that are beating on your head.
There were some bills you paid and put checks in the envelopes, stamped them… but did you put them out for the mailman to take this afternoon? If something should happen to you and those bills with the payments are not sent, the utility companies may disconnect your electricity, water and gas. Then who would take care of whatever has to be done when this episode is all over? It’s not like you to leave the little piddly details for anyone else. After all, you’re the one who tidies up after others. It’s you who puts the magazines in order when you go to the dentist’s office and to your gynecologist. Who would take care of those magazines if you weren’t here? it’s a nagging feeling to not know if you did put the bills out for the mailman, but at this point in time, what’s more important? It’s really difficult to know, isn’t it? Hmmm… now there are three things reverberating about the inside of your head, trying to find some kind of peace. But most important is that one question you just can’t identify.
You know that in the next second, everything could be alright. It only takes one decision and then the first (and the last) step. Everything will change almost automatically. Nothing will be the same. But what is that question hanging on to your brain, swinging back and forth, edging closer to knowing then backing up? Nothing should be bothering you right now. Well, maybe the wind; what it’s doing to your hair. Wasn’t it just last week you spent about sixty dollars on getting your hair cut, shaped, rolled, curled, straightened and pinned back? Even some highlights and a little shine added? Now what’s happening to your hair? That expensive hairdo is waving in the wind. No matter, there isn’t much need for a hairdo where you plan to go. But what is that question that you can’t quite put your finger on? What’s driving you to distraction? What is it? Well, your hair is not something you really need to worry about now, but still, that makes four things bothering you.
Oh, there’s one more thing. You didn’t make arrangements with the milkman. You know now that he’s going to deliver the milk tomorrow morning, as he always does twice a week, and you should have told him to stop. And if you couldn’t talk with him, at least to have left a note on the empty bottles he’s going to pick up. He is kind of cute, isn’t he? Did you notice that he’s not married? Yeah, he has no ring on the appropriate finger of the left hand. And you never made a play for him. Shame on you! Were you afraid? Did you think he was going to reject you? Did you think that maybe he has a girlfriend you don’t know about, and you just didn’t want to get in the way? That’s considerate of you. So instead of having a good time going out with the cute milkman, you stay at home thinking of him going out and having fun without you. What is it that you can’t remember? Hmmm… now it’s five things. This just isn’t like you, Darling. You’ve always been much more organized than this. Where did you slip up?
Uh oh, something else. You arranged with Billy, the building manager’s son to take your car and wash it, vacuum it out and make it look its usual almost new. Who will give Billy the keys, now? And you know how people talk and stare if you are seen on the street with a car that needs a bath. What will they say, now? It’s not good for you to give the wrong impression to others that you are negligent in the upkeep and care of your personal property, like your car. It’s just not right, is it? Think about the last time you had the car cleaned inside and out? Billy did it and he does a very good job. But he is so busy any more that now he takes cars from the tenants in the building by appointment. And your appointment is tomorrow. Who will give him the keys? At least you could have left them with the reception desk downstairs. Maybe you can throw them in on the way down. Six things to worry and concern yourself over. Is there no end to this?
Did you notify your supervisor at work you may not be in for a while? Of course not. That was yesterday and you weren’t planning anything yesterday. This bright idea of yours just hatched this morning before your regular time to leave. The girls at the office are going to have a field day with you not there. They are going to talk about you till your ears turn red and ring so loud you won’t hear anything else. What good will that do? All the things they have said about you behind your back have been good… up till now. What will it be like tomorrow? Will they have a lot now to say to each other about your decision… decision? What decision? Wait a minute? It’s beginning to come together. Something is starting to make sense. OH MY GOD! Now I remember what’s been bothering me…

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING OUT HERE ON THIS LEDGE?