Dear Mr. Spielberg

From a projectionist's stand point, I should feel happy to be given a 35 millimeter print of Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to thread considering this "every thing's digital" day and age. From a fem-geek's stand point, I should feel honored that you insisted on 35 millimeter prints if the theater had capacity to run the film, and I get to thread history. A stand up and deliver icon's return to the big screen. Another legendary adventure of Dr. Henry Jones Jr., but I am neither happy or honored, I am upset and feel as if a part of me has been stolen from a childhood of escapism and dreaming that I may one day be part of Dr. Jone's travels.

I don't need to pick apart the technical side of this movie, we all know the outcome of those ego-maniacal crazies touching something close to my heart, lest I remind you of Return of the Jedi "improvements" of 2004, but seriously.. was that, a CGI Gopher? How many thousands of dollars were wasted on that? Surviving an Atomic bomb I understand, he's Indiana Jones, but really, comic relief was already hand-wrapped in a gift bag right IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE.. He survives a NUCLEAR BLAST.. IN A REFRIGERATOR.. that would have been enough for me. Less is more sir, less is more.

I was feeling somewhat nostalgic when I sat down to watch this movie. My heart was pounding from excitement, endorphins where internally shaking every midichlorian of my being. I wanted so desperately to give this movie a chance. I wanted it to be solid. I wanted orgasmic performances from Ford and LeBeouf. I was in denial. For some reason, I wanted nothing but the best for and from you and Lucasfilm... I suppose I can't have my cake and eat it too, I didn't get what I was expecting. I am sure that $311,000,000.00 gross over 5 days made you feel good, at least the budget was covered.

The acting was ok, somewhat on par. I wish I knew in what order this movie was shot, or what the editors and Harrison's thought process were while filming, he just didn't seem like himself in the first act of the film, maybe it was just the low ebb of a very low flow. I just need to be able to place blame on someone, be it the man himself or the editor.

Mr. Shia is on his way up but I need an indie to come out of him soon, I'm tired of hearing "He's just riding the wave," "this guy sucks, he's the same in everything..." I believe in Shia. I think he is fantastic and his body of work is growing at an impressive rate, but you won't be able to monopolize the entire blockbuster big name movies... Yeah yeah yeah, so you might be Shia's soul's counterpart, yeah, you probably controls a lot more of the industry that one, as lowly as myself can possibly fathom, so yeah Shia, you might get dibs.. but get dibs on something smaller, something close to you. I will write you a script, I have a great idea for a satire-esque, a Christopher Guest mock type for something well written but improv expected tantalizingness.. It's true. You would do so well, take a step back, look at the big picture. Sorry for the rant, God Bless the Beef.

Seriously, again.. Aliens? You can't tell me you tried to make this along the lines of a B movie. B MOVIE MY B! - If you are going to create a B movie, then create a B movie masterpiece, be faithful to everything B. There is no way in hell the 450 shots of CGI, you men and all of your money and all of your "HD is better" bs. I wish the two of you (Mr. Spielberg and Mr. Lucas) would just retire. If War of the Worlds wasn't a death rattle, Indiana sure is.

YOU BROKE this woman's heart. I grew up binging on The Last Crusade. It was campy and fun and a good way to end the series. I could quote it beginning to end. Now, though, there's no way in hell I would name my dog Indiana.

I am disenchanted. I am sad. First you guys ruin Star Wars. Now Indiana Jones. WHAT'S NEXT?! Let this be a warning to Richard Donner, don't you even THINK about touching the Goonies, I've heard rumblings, rumors, theories, please - I beg you, no reunion type movie, no sequel, don't go and digitally replace Sloth with a Yettie puppet..

Sincerely Yours,
Sabrina

P.S. Regardless of my anger, I can't stop wandering the projection booth whistling Indy's theme.