It's not easy being my friend. I am well aware of this fact and that is why I now cherish my friendships more than ever.

See, I realize all the pain and suffering that my decisions, at times, inflict upon others. I think many of my friends still don't truly understand me, nor do I expect them to do so. I only expect them to accept me for who and what I am and to always speak the truth to me. Because it is what I have to offer in return.

Over the years friends have come and gone. Some I miss, some I long for more than life itself, and some I don't think about at all. It's all part of life and growing up. Friends are like flotsam and jetsam that get washed up onto the shores of one's life. At times one says "Ohh look! Shiny!" and sometimes one says "Eww, gross it's all slimy." Sometimes the tide of time carries them back out to sea never to be seen again. Sometimes they wash back up on the shore. There is little to do about it.

I once had a falling out with not one friend, but an entire group of friends. A group of friends that included my Best Friend, a name I do not bestow lightly upon someone. It was a person I called Brother and meant it. A falling out over something to trivial and so stupid that I couldn't believe it. During that disastrous rift I was once asked by one of the friends when I would 'return' to wit I replied 'NEVER!' I was still angry at the time.

The falling out was more of a miscommunication at first and then it was partly due to what I saw as mistreatment of another of the friends who also happened to be someone's girlfriend. When they broke up I didn't see any reason to not be her friend and so we hung out on occasion. This was taken to mean that we were dating, that was part of the misunderstanding. The Sun and Pluto have a better chance of dating than her and I ever did. We just happened to be two like-minded individuals who enjoyed the company, completely platonically. I know, many may scoff at that statement, but it is the absolute truth. Remember, that's one of the few things I ever truly have to offer, the truth.

Anyway, the rift finally closed after two years. Because once the gaping maw of separation begins to open it becomes almost impossible to cross and the split parties must simply sit on edge and dangle their feet over it until the rift slowly heals itself.

Two years was an awful long time to be away, and when the rift finally closed I had moved 7,000 miles away to another continent.

We don't talk about that much, but the scars are still there. We are back to our old antics and shenanigans (the Best Friend is also part of Generation Gamerz as are several others of that group) and things are similar to what they were; only everyone is two years older. Two years that will never be replaced. Two years that will never be forgotten.

Now I find myself on the wrong edge of another cutting decision. I didn't realize it would cut so deeply into this friend, another friend who is like a Best Friend, another friend who I would call Brother. This time, it's also about a woman.

Maybe I deserve it this time; I don't always make the best choices in this field. Many who know me, know this. But it's part of that whole accepting me for who I am thing.

I am currently in violation of a "Man-Law". I am on the border of the 'Unforgivable Country,' or perhaps I have already crossed that border and am now wandering aimlessly in that country. I already know the language; I have been here in the past. I know the lay of the land and I know the customs, I've visited it on several occasions. I am not a stranger in a strange land, but more like a seasoned tourist. Perhaps I will be a permanent resident this time, perhaps not. I read the road signs and I know the perils, but I must do what I need to do, because it is who I am.

Don't take this as a confession; it is simply a statement of fact. I do not feel guilt over my decisions and I do not often dwell on the past. At times these two things alone are capable of allowing the rift to appear. At other times they are helped by the fault lines of life named 'Circumstance' and 'Chance.' In this case I think there are several factors at work.

I am trying to keep the rift from growing but I already know it is nearly impossible to stop it. So as I often say about a great deal of things, only time will tell. I can already feel the tides of time washing up against the soles of my feet. I can feel the slipping of the fault lines. I know there is a quake to come but there is no one to warn about it. Everyone knows it is coming, most of all me.

So I as you can see, I am well aware that it is not easy being my friend. All I ever ask for is truth and acceptance because in the end, it is all I have to give in return.