jdubhub is Santa Claus

First there was the classic Quentin Tarantino movie, Jackie Brown. We all remember the line from the advertisement: Pam Grier is Jackie BROWN.

This Xomba Season, we are updating the story for that Man in Red, that giver of presents, that spreader of good cheer, that eater of other people's milk and cookies...this Xomba Season, jdubhub is Santa CLAUS. The story of one man's love of people, red polar fleece, and, yes, even flying reindeer.

Santa:

That champion of those who society makes the subject of scorn and ridicule: the overweight, the height-challenged, and even antlered quadrupeds with red noses.

That supporter of Peace on Earth and Goodwill toward Men. It doesn't matter if you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Taoist, Naturist, Animist, Pagan, agnostic, atheist, or anywhere in between. You are worthy of peace and goodwill from everyone else.

That seer into the minds of mere mortals. (We don't need no stinkin' magic lassos!) It doesn't matter if you've been naughty or nice, he will find out, so be good for goodness sake!

That true international man of mystery. He is heard but not seen and, even then, he speaks only to acknowledge ladies of the night who always seem to appear in threes.

More elusive then the infamous Jackal, he goes by many names including Sankt Nikolaus in Germany, Sinter Klaas in Holland, Krisstkindl and Kris Kringle, and even Father Christmas in England. (Family: not any relation to Xomba's own St. Nick but wishes he was a little closer in the family tree to Dr. Christmas Jones.)

That responsible steward of our planet. In deference to environmentalists, he will no longer give coal to naughty children, since burning coal gives off greenhouse gases. Instead, he will fill their stockings with—cue scary music—vegetables!

That fulfiller of karmic debt. Those who have been realllllllly naughty *cough* President Bush *cough* will be visited by Black Peter, Santa's elf who whips those who have been especially naughty.

That early environmentally-friendly carpooler.

That granter of children's wishes. This year, every servicemember who is serving in Iraq and Afghanistan will get to come home and spend Christmas with his or her family. Because they wanted the war so bad, each member of Congress and all of the Executive Branch will grab a pack and rifle and take their place.

That balancer of the scales of justice. Santa's Executive order #12/25: When anyone in our government or a corporation wants to go to war, their children are on the first transport to where the fighting will start.

And, finally, the owner of the ultimate superpower: time management. Who needs a time machine when you have the ability to visit every single house in every single country in a single night?