A recent sinking of a Japanese trawler following a jellyfish attack is only the first event foretold of the coming End of the World. Dogs & Jeans Crack Religious Scholars have analyzed the catastrophes prophesized in Revelations and determined that, following, the uprising by colonial marine life, an unstoppable sequence of tribulations will bear witness to Armageddon itself:

• During the Winter Olympics, a judging controversy will result in a Finnish athlete winning a gold medal in the Nordic Combined over a Norwegian athlete. Animosity will spill over into neighboring Sweden. Even Denmark will become engulfed in the carnage that will engulf Scandinavia.
• Hummingbirds will knock over wine glasses at outdoor cafes throughout South America and New England.
• Any dead actors from “All in the Family” and it’s spin offs “The Jeffersons”, “Maude”, “Gloria” or “Archie’s Place” will rise up and strike down all the surviving actors from “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” including it’s spin offs “Rhoda”, “Phyllis” and “Lou Grant”.
• Worms refuse to remain underground and take up residence in pool cabanas and gazeboes, making any outdoor shelters inhospitable
• A former governor of a Northern State will abandon politics to focus on an acting career.
• The sea will rise by six feet wiping out most coastal cities world wide. Jellyfish will turn their attention from ships and start attacking smart cars and scooters.
• Salamanders will become poisonous man-killers while newt remain harmless. People will still be unable to tell the difference between the amphibians.
• Sinbad will host a TV comedy special. No one will watch.
• Jesus and Mohammad will return to Earth to tell us that only the Baha’i church got it right and everyone else can burn.

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