Ok! First Celebrity News reports that Jessica Simpson is saying, "I shouldn't have left Nick Lachey."

I agree, but not that she should get back together with him; I agree that she never should have gotten together with him in the first place.

Off the Top of My Head: she should've gotten together with me, and we (professionally) could've been the twenty-first century's Kenny-and-Dolly (that's '-Rogers and -Parton,' all you non-folk people out there).

We still can; it's up to Jessica Simpson.

It might also have been 'up to Britney Spears,' but that was before her choice of Kevin Federline and the birth of her children. Now that she's divorced, I could forgive her for the failed marriage; but not for the children.

See, children change a woman into–not a mother–a mother-and-children. I will not fall in love with a mother-and-children; I will fall in love with mother, and be firmly standing on the ground before the children become!

Britney's feeling punked–a Britney Spears insider tells Ok! First Celebrity News–by cousin Alli Sims, who recently won a huge recording contract and started dating (despite a pact she and Spears made to swear off men).

Yes, both K-Fed and Sims–though I'm sure they agree that Britney's a nice person–both also realized what the Church Administration wants to keep hidden from us: that the Divine Spark (the Holy Spirit, the Power of Attraction, the quality of fruitfulness) is as present in the common man as it is in the royalty, -as present in the roadie as it is in the star, -as present in the obese and the skinny as it is in the well-proportioned ... and that–if the Spark's source-being doesn't reawaken the Spark–then it's time to move on to a new source-being.

It's too late for Britney Spears, but I can still teach Jessica Simpson to find her Spark, to feed her Spark and to use her Spark to enlighten the entire world under her Emperess-ship.