I found it particularly amusing when Keith Richards spoke out about snorting the ashes of his father. What was even more amusing was when he publicist came out and said that it was all a joke. Yeah, right, if Keith Richards comes out and says he snorted something then, more than likely, he snorted it. It is amusing that his publicist would go around trying to spin control on a man like Keith Richards. Is there anyone on the planet that would not imagine he would snort the ashes of his father? I am willing the bet the real surprise would be if he came out and said he didn't snort something.

The Rolling Stones are an interesting group of guys. Not too long ago I watched the documentary that was made about their rather disastrous concert at Altamont called "Gimme Shelter." The most interesting thing about it, besides the whole Hell's Angels thing and the man who got murdered there, that is, was the very young members of the Rolling Stones walking around. For most of my life the Stones have been those old guys. It is hard to imagine them being young. It was especially interesting to see a young Keith Richards.

Keith Richards was the inspiration for Johnny Depp in creating the Jack Sparrow character. His revelation of that fact lead to Richards starring as Sparrow's father in the third movie which should be due out later this year. The thing is that Richards has been looking and appearing like some kind of pirate for years. You ever see this guy's hair? I see it sometimes with the wind chimes and various exotic birds stuck in it or whatever the hell he has up there and wonder if he deliberately placed that debris in his hair of if, perhaps, he just got stuff stuck in there and hasn't washed in a while.

Keith Richards is a hard man to admire simply because of the lifestyle he has lived. However, you have to sort of admire a guy who has so openly lived his life in that way and never once, that I am aware of, apologized for it or really made an attempt to change. He has always been Keith Richards and he always will be and the only change may be that he will continue to be less intelligible and look more like leather with legs.

To me I imagine that throughout most of his life the Richard's household is like some kind of minefield of drugs and paraphernalia. To me, I am thinking the game he often plays is "Let's See What I Can Snort Now." In my mind he probably sits around on a Friday or Saturday night and starts looking around his place.

"Let's see," he mumbles in that thick English accent. "What haven' I snor'ed yeh. Geh me tha Bible. Leh's burn it up and I'll snor' it."

At that point someone goes and gets him the Bible and they burn it and he snorts the ashes. After he then progresses through the Quran, any writings by Buddha and the Book of Mormon he moves on to things like the phone book. I am willing to bet he has snorted endangered animals from birds, fish and marsupials. I am willing to bet each one was burned, turned into ash and then snorted. I have no proof of this, I am completely making it up and I am attempting to be funny. So, no publicists of vastly wealthy rock stars and multi-millionaire rock bands should attempt to sue a poor and pathetic writer who has little money that anyone might attempt to win in a lawsuit.

The Stones in general I have come to believe might actually be vampires. I have heard rumors for almost as long as I have been a fan of rock and roll that they would routinely go to smaller countries or various countries and have their blood replaced or cleaned or something. It must be nice when you can reach a level of wealth where, should you be so inclined, you could have your blood switched out like bad oil and have it replaced. I have no idea if that is remotely true or just a legend but, again, when you have a group that hires the Hell's Angels for security at a concert to supposedly preach peace and love you have to wonder what they would not be willing to do.

Keith Richards, in that movie, looks so young. He looks, well, to put it bluntly, he looks human and he looks young. His hair is black but still manages to have debris in it as though he has just walked through a very large windstorm and had debris thrown in there and it got stuck. I have a feeling Richards' hair and a comb have rarely, if ever, met face-to-face.

So, really, what does it matter if Keith Richards snorted his father's ashes. I have no idea if he supposedly snorted all of them but I am betting the answer was no. To be honest, I have not heard the actual quote from the man himself. It just did not surprise me in the least that he said it and only found it particularly funny when the publicist came out and tried to make it seem like it was all a joke and laugh it off.

It must be hard to be a publicist when you are working with the Rolling Stones. Mick seems to be the relatively normal one these days. It must be particularly hard to be the guy who gets to be in charge of trying to keep Keith Richards' image clean. This guy must wake up every day hoping Keith does not run into the press or climb up a coconut tree anywhere in the world. Exactly why the man was doing that has never been made clear but the fact he survived it was also not a surprise.

There have been comedians who have made jokes about how preserved Keith Richards must be given all of the chemicals he has put into his body. They make great jokes but you really have to wonder if there is some truth there. I have a feeling taking a hit of Richards' blood would get you drunk faster than snorting bourbon through a straw. I think if you cut Keith either some kind of narcotic must come out or perhaps pure alcohol.

Of course, I say this all in jest and in a sense of fun. I have no idea if Mr. Richards has ever taken anything illegal or done anything to excess. I say that just in case the publicist or lawyers charged with hunting down poor pathetic writers who have little money that could be won in any kind of lawsuit should happen to read this at any point.

Bryan W. Alaspa's novel Dust is available in print and eBook format at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.