For every marriage that is killed quickly when one spouse commits one unforgivable act, there are many others that die long, slow, deaths. In fact, in many of these long-lingering marriages divorce doesn't occur until long after the marriage has died. The question, "Have I had enough of this marriage," is usually one asked by people in those long-lingering, unhealthy, marriages.

These can be marriages that began without the foundation that is required to make a marriage last; or they can be marriages in which the foundation has been eroded by difficulties, time, growing up, and/or growing apart. At first it can seem as if there are one or two things that aren't quite right, but as time goes on it can begin to seem as if those elements of the marriage that are not right have a way of killing - one at a time - each of those elements that once seemed very right. Those destructive elements may be the result of flaws in the marriage, itself, or they may be something attributable to only one of the partners. As the saying goes, however, it takes two to make a marriage work; so even when the destructive elements can be attributed to only one partner, the result is still that there are not two people to make that particular marriage work.

The troubles of these marriages may not seem very big at first, but when - like weeds in a garden - those troubles continue to destroy the possibility of the marriage thriving, the partners may at first believe the situation will improve. Most of the time, couples do want their marriage to work. Most of the time, people have no plans of ending the marriage. After all, the troubles may seem manageable. It is common for people to want to overlook the flaws of a marriage or a partner because most people understand that all marriages take work, and that no person is perfect. After a long period of believing things could get better, the partners eventually reach a point where they know that is not likely. By this time they have been unhappy for a long time,. Often, though, one or both partners has just become accustomed to not expecting to have happiness.

When there is something seriously wrong in a marriage the first question that one or both partners may start to ask is, "What can we do make this better?" The marriage reaches a point, though, where that is no longer a question that is asked. That question may be replaced with the rationalization, "No, it isn't perfect, but it could be worse. I can live with it."

When there are children couples are often very reluctant to separate because of the children. Aside from the children, most couples do value their marriage. Many are very reluctant to plan to end a marriage, particularly when the partners have had their share of those special times in life.

Not wanting to end their marriage (or at least not wanting to prematurely end it), couples in marriages like this can go on for years. During the best days of such marriages the couples may be civil. They may even appear to be doing what all couples/families do. They have their family get-togethers, go to the children's activities, and conduct family business as a team. If both partners can live with this bad situation without too much resentment there is even the chance the marriage could go on this way permanently. At some point, marriages like this transition from being unhealthy marriages to being marriages "on life support". It is usually not clear when, exactly, such a marriage dies.

In most marriages, however, there is at least one, and often two, people not capable of living this way, for a long time, without building up resentment. Once the anger and resentment begin to show themselves the marriage can transition from being empty to being increasingly unbearable.

After all the time such a marriage takes to reach this stage, one or both partners inevitably begins to repeatedly ask him/herself some version of the question, "Have I had enough of this marriage?" For many, the answer may be that they are very close to having "had it" - and yet, for all the reasons that one or both partners so often continue to hang on, the couple may hang on yet a little longer. By the time they've reached this point, the question, "Have I had enough of this marriage?" can be one asked several times a day.

In cases of long-dying or long-dead marriages, there may come a point where there are no longer any questions to ask. Instead, there may be looking ahead at the rest of one's life and realizing that the one life there is to live will be lived without happiness. Depending on the people involved, there may even be sadness at the thought of the other partner's living his/her only life without happiness as well.

Long after all the questions, such as, "Have I had enough of this marriage?", have stopped being asked, sometimes someone will wake up one day and say to him/herself, "I have had enough of this marriage." By the time someone says, "I have had enough of this marriage," there are no more doubts, no more rationalizations, and no more wishful thinking. There is nothing but certainty. Some people take longer than others to reach that certainty, but it is only when that sureness is there that people can finally move on.

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