Alright, kids. It's just a few days before the trek to Ol' Mexico and we need to make sure you've got everything you need!

*Shades as big as your face
*Nasty Hawaiian shirt
*Straw hat, cowboy hat
You gotta have one of these. Everyone else will be wearing one so you don't have to feel like some retahded hick wearing it. It will be all the rage down there. And, for the slightly more daring, add your favorite tiara to get that New Nashville look.
*Sandals, flip flops, Tevas
You need some protective gear for your feets. Something you won't mind losing down there in the sand or on someone's balcony whom you've just met. Get creative and bust some sandals with wacky straps to leave cool tan lines on your feet. Or, for you pigment-declined people, fat red burns.
*Jesus candles
Jesus really IS everywhere. He's watching you chug beers, he's watching you hurl, he's watching you try to score on the front portch. But Jesus has got your back. As long as you keep the home fires burning, he won't tell God what you're up to. After all, Mexico is in God's blind spot. Bring along Jesus's friends Mary and St. Michael of the Ignorant Bastards and have a cook-out. They're a friggen' dollar at The Dollar Store. Stock up. Don't fuck with The Jesus, and saints be praised.