I know some of you guys are wondering where I been. (and some may not even really care!) I would have posted something last night but yesterday was one of the f**king craziest. I fell into a huge depression after the whole Cody and Eric thing. So I laid in the bed all day crying like a b*tch and smoking my brains out. Leslie came over and was intent in making me go to this Pre-graduation party. Something told me to NOT GO but my stupid a** decided to show my face just because I'm the life of everything. I was sure that Cody of all people wouldn't step out of character and come down with loose lips. I mean why would he, he is my best friend and if I look bad, he looks even worse. YEAH RIGHT!
Leslie goes home and color coordinates her lime green and white colors to mine. I decided to wear a American Eagle outfit that complimented my frame oh so well with pair of hot American Eagle shoes. We walked into that party fresher than Renuzit. But the whole time I felt so uncomfortable, so out of place. I felt as if I had a flat screen t.v on my chest with tivo on it; continuosly playing the Eric and Crusher show.
I felt like I wanted to crap in my pants the whole time. But me being the person I have become, I acted. I think I should go to Hollywood instead of College. I might end up being the next Tom Cruise or something.
The night went by and everything was cool but not the same though. Usually, sometime during the party, Cody and I would hook up and act a fool. But I expected it, so what can you say. The liquor was passed, the joints were passed and everybody was getting loose. I was laughing, drinking (big mistake!) I drank to the point that I forgot about the past events. (To all you alcoholics out there, Never drink when you have problems, all it does is create MORE problems.)Some how my balls got big, (I think it might have been the 7th beer that I had)and decided to walk over to Cody and the guys. Ya'll should have seen the f*cken look Cody shot me but seeing Eric standing next to him caused me to give him an even nastier look.His look was priceless, You would have thought I had puke on my face or something. As if I was walking around with a little boys penis in my mouth.But I ignored the rude gesture. It didn't take Cody nothing but a split second to change the subject. And guess what he f*ckin changed it to? DUHHHHH PEOPLE, little gay boy over here. You ever been in a situation where you seen your whole life come to a complete hault and everything from then on moves in slow motion? Well thats exactly what happened to me. Cody began to make "gay boy jokes,"which Eric was so tickled by and then he decided to tell a story. Thank GOD he switched the names but I knew who he was refering to. My heart began to race, I thought it was going to beat all the way up my throat and through my nose. I think thats what they call an "anxiety attack." F*ck!
This point is the most pivitol point in this journal log. I have an anger problem, Of course it isn't a secret BUT damn it, I can't control it. It just overwhelms me at times. And that was the outcome in this situation. The only thing I remember is me throwing my Bud Light bottle dead in the middle of his face, which gashed his forehead. The police was called and I was arrested on assault charges. Can you believe this pu**y actually pressed charges on me. (WE ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE PU**Y,LOL!) I was joking.
I spent the whole entire night locked up. Why? I see you guys dont pay attention to me. My parents were out of town. So I had to wait until they got back this morning, MAN! Once again, my father was delighted that I stood my ground. "You should never let another man call you a fag!") Is how he put it. I wanted to call him one soooo bad. I missed rehearsal for the graduation walk, is all my mother kept talking about. Who gives a Sh*t, why do you need to practice walking across the stage when you hear your name. If you need guidance to do that then, you need not be graduating. I'm going to go take a shower for the 3rd time. I'll be back later on with most likely, some more BUll!