Last night, a friend and I were talking about our struggles with living the Christian life and how to treat other Christians whom have hurt, betrayed, disrespected, and just plain wounded us. We looked hard into ourselves, admitted our mistakes with people, asked the hard questions, and sought His Word for counsel.
"What if our wounds don't stem from them, but from us because of our own need for control and power and pride?" "What if we only allow them to hurt us because it reinforces a faulty perception about how we 'deserve' to be treated?" "What does it look like, practically, to 'let go'?"
"If we have wrestled with ourselves to forgive, yet we are still bitter.......even years later in familiar settings.... is there more that needs resolved?"

It made me wonder what lies we were still being convinced were Truth, even when we had been replacing that "empty space" with Truth and meditation where lies once dwelt. Our conversation convinced me more and more that the enemy will take any open door we allow him (especially through our words)...and he'll make his home there in our minds until, eventually, he makes his way into our hearts or we kick him out. Sometimes, our hearts have already turned away after years of hearing the same lies. We think, "they must be true if people are consistently reinforcing this suspicion." When those lies reach our hearts, either through others or our own self-infliction, we become more desperate for the Father's grace to redeem us in our condition. We are already addicted..already 'roped in' so to speak and it becomes harder and harder to believe that we are valuable in God's eyes. It is in those moments of humility when we must fight to turn our entire selves back to the Father, genuinely ask forgiveness, and ask Him for Truth to replace our faulty thinking. Then we have to believe that we are changed and start taking actions that separate us from our old life so that we are not tempted to revert back to the habits of comfortable pain.

"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.'
When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order.
Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first.
That is how it will be with this wicked generation."
Matthew 12:43-45

We spoke further about how difficult it was to discern the appropriate time to approach someone with a sincere apology whom we had offended. I always think of AA and their 12 Steps when topics like that come up. In their 'doctrine,' they have a step about making amends with those we have hurt. They encourage alcoholics to make amends, except when to do so would injure themselves or others. Of all the steps, that one has stayed in my mind a lot this past year. I think it's an extremely wise approach to our relationships with people. And it gives God the control as we hand over our need to "make people accept the sincerity behind what I have to say without me caring how they feel." It dissolves our own need for self and teaches us to respect, honor, and love other people. My friend had mentioned an image that God used to teach me further about this principle.

"You know, God calls us children. He doesn't expect us to be able to control our lives. He knows it's too big of a task for us."
"Hm. You're right. I never thought of it that way!"

I can just see God looking at us and shaking His head at our petty misunderstandings with one another. In His eyes, we're like 2 year olds who decide they don't want to share our toys and money and friends because someone might 'break' or misuse them.
So we hoard.
And we turn jealous.
Until we hear His voice, 'Now, play nice, children. I gave you these things to show you know how much I love you. Can you share with Susy to show her how much you love her? (crying and moaning) No? Okay, I think it's time for a nap.. (screaming and kicking) Are you going to share? (head nodding reluctantly) Thank you.'

It's weird..children are the easiest lovers, yet the most selfish beings (but, hey..they don't know any better). They forget an 'offense' minutes later. When the same situation presents itself again, they give the same response to the 'offense' and then forget about it minutes later.. and the cycle continues. When, in our lives, did we deem ourselves worthy to begin taking offenses into our own hands, instead of letting things go so easily like children do? When and why did we make it so complicated?