Today there are more long distance relationships (LDRs) than ever before. Some of these are destined to fail, while others will thrive. Whether you met your partner on the internet, are married and temporarily separated by work or the military, or students at different colleges, your LDR will require more work and sacrifice than a local relationship. Is your relationship working? Will it continue to work? You may have a strong conviction that it will, or perhaps you are not so sure.

There are many things that go into a LDR. Each one is different as are the people involved. But there are three factors that are particularly important for people involved in an LDR. These are Communication, Commitment and Trust. If you and your partner are strong in these areas, your relationship is likely to be strong. If these things are lacking, your relationship might be in trouble.

Communication

Of course communication is important in every relationship, but in a LDR, it becomes even more so. When other couples run out of things to talk about, they can snuggle, watch TV, or go the movies. We don’t have those options. When the conversation lags, we are left with an awkward silence. Here are some ideas to help:

Unless there is a reason not to, both of you should get the same cell provider. Most plans allow you to talk to anyone else who shares your provider without adding any minutes to your monthly allotment. If you each have contracts with different companies, consider adding another line to your service. This could make a great gift

If you are worried about running out of things to talk about, write down some ideas and have them handy.
Questions are great. Go beyond “How was your day?” Ask questions that will help you learn more about your partner or start an interesting conversation. For example, “What was the best gift you ever got?” or “If you could have one superpower, what would it be?” Try books like "The Book of Questions" and "How Far Will You Go?" for ideas

Try to talk at least once a day (for most couples more is better). Use technology. Text Messaging, Email, Instant Messaging, Cell phone cameras, Web Cams, On-line Games, etc. And don’t forget about Snail Mail. Your partner will love to find a note from you mixed in with the bills. There are many ways to be creative with communication.

Talking and emailing is great, but your partner doesn’t need to know every detail of your day. If you find yourself giving the play by play of a conversation you had with your friend about whether she should buy the blue skirt or the green one, you are probably talking too much. Just because you can’t see your partner’s eyes glaze over, doesn’t mean that they aren’t.

Phone sex, cybersex, web cams – it’s all fair game as long as you are both comfortable. If you can’t do the real thing, have fun with what you can do.

And remember, everyone has days when they just don’t feel like talking much or can’t find words. It’s okay to cut things short. Try not to be offended if your partner is having one of those days and wants to hang up sooner than you.

Commitment

In order to sustain a LDR, both you and your partner must be committed to each other and to the relationship. Being committed to each other means that you not only love and respect each other but also that you have that “He/she is the one for me” feeling. A LDR takes a lot of work and sacrifice. If you believe that your partner is worth this kind of dedication and commitment, then you will be less likely to be bitter or angry about the situation and more likely to stay with it. Further, if your partner believes the same of you then you know just how much he/she values you. Being committed to the relationship means that you both contribute pretty much equally. Equal does not mean the same. Everyone has different desires, talents and resources. Consider the following when thinking about commitment:

Do you know in your heart and in your mind that this is the person for you? Do you have that soul mate kind of bond? Do you go so well together that it is hard for you to imagine that anyone else could be a better fit? If you don’t have this kind of conviction, then you might find it hard to continue a relationship that requires so much sacrifice. If your partner isn’t “The One”, then you might be happier with someone in your own town.

Does your partner feel the same way about you? One of the nice things about a LDR is that you know that you mean a lot to your partner. He or she proves it everyday by sacrificing so much to stay with you.

Keep an eye on the pulse of your relationship. After awhile most couples fall into a comfortable pattern of calls, emails, visits etc. If you notice these things waning, you might have a problem.

Unless there is a good reason not to, try to share as much of the difficult parts of the relationship as you can. As much as possible, share the cost, share the travel. One way to do this is that the partner who travels pays his/her travel expenses. The partner who hosts pays for everything during the visit. Switch off traveling. Or meet in the middle and share the expense.

Part of being committed to the relationship is having a plan for the future. Hopefully, you are working toward a day when you can live together, or at least in the same city.

Trust

Like communication, this is also important in any relationship. But in an LDR, you don’t have as much knowledge of what your partner is up to when he/she isn’t with you. In addition, loneliness can lead to into temptation. A lonely woman might call up an old boyfriend “just to talk” A lonely man might look at personal ads “just for fun”. Of course you want your partner to have a social life, but if you have agreed on an exclusive relationship, you have to know deep in your heart that you can trust him/her. When thinking about Trust consider the following:

Have you laid out the expectations for your relationship?. Are there clear ground rules for what is and is not acceptable? For example, for most couples, dating other people is not okay. What about lunch with an ex, chatting on line or going out dancing with friends? Have an open and honest discussion about what will work for both of you in your relationship.

Whose idea was it to become a monogamous couple? Hopefully it evolved naturally and/or you both made the decision together. If this is the case, you will both feel invested in the decision and more likely to stay true. However, if one of you pressured the other into an exclusive status then there might be resentment and this could lead to infidelity.

Make it clear to your partner that you have nothing to hide. You don’t have to tell him or her every detail of your life, but be open and candid about your activities.

Trust your heart. If something is wrong your intuition will probably be sounding alarms.

Monogamy is especially difficult in a LDR. Some couples agree that it is okay to see other people. This is fine as long as you are both comfortable with the agreement. For many couples, however, this arrangement opens up other problems. Couples who choose not to be monogamous will probably have to deal with jealousy, sexual safety, uncertainly and a host of other issues.

Don’t cheat on your partner. Even if you know you won’t get caught. The fact that your partner lives far away and that you don’t see each other often is not an excuse. Deception is disrespectful to your partner and potentially very hurtful. If fidelity is hard for you, you do have other choices. You can try to change the status of your relationship so you can see other people or you can break up. At the very least, you can tell your partner that you are going to see other people and let him/her decide what to do.

Long Distance Relationships can be challenging, but if the two of you are happy together, they can be wonderful!