Line-up of male contestants promises to make for “Out of This World Show” on Mars!!

Said to be among the contestants is Santiago Cabrera "Isaac" in the popular TV series, “Heroes”

The rumored Pissing Contest for “celebrity men” is not just a rumor anymore. Although NASA, Google, and the “Celebutards Society” still decline to confirm or deny reports of an impending competition, there has without a doubt been a rush of male celebrities arriving and departing from this secret location on the outskirts of Holly-weird in the last few days.

In the running: Nick Lachey - one time member of pop rock group, "98 Degrees", and now ex-husband of Jessica Simpson.

Despite the fact that Xomba has exclusive rights to this story, we are still denied direct access to the grounds. This reporter has been asked not to disclose the exact location, given the ‘hub-bub’ that the ’Britney and Paris’ contest caused. We can only assume that they are trying to keep this as low key as possible until the two final contestants are chosen from the wide field of male competitors.

Aside from being a precedent setting event on Mars, this promises to be an impressive display, sure to provide eye-opening results from men and boys of all nations here on Earth. It’s a scientifically proven fact that males, especially younger males, like having something to shoot for.

Rafael Virga – the once well-known male underwear model – apparently trying to make a name for himself once again.

Brad Pitt - not to be out done.

Given the fact that gravity on Mars is roughly 37% of Earth’s, in purely physical measurement terms, the Earth's Olympic and World records will most certainly be shattered by even the most ‘ordinary’ participant.
Dwayne Johnson, aka “The Rock”

The long standing 39.2 meters (approx 128.6’) world record for the men's ”one-hand assist, single-impulse” event (one squirt under immense pressure) was established back in the late 1950's, by then well-trained and youthful Frederick “Pecker” Haberlein. It stands now to be sent to the history books, if not totally erased, by any celebrity contender who can come within the 10 meter range(Earth measurements).

Haberlein still holds two other World Records as well, a measurement of 20.3 meters in the "high bar" or (over the fence) event, and 27.6 meters in the “200 mL distance/accuracy” event. Both of these events have long since been abandoned by the Olympic Committee as being ‘overly messy’.

Haberlein, when located at his Wyoming home recently, stated that his grandkids no doubt had a definite talent in the “single impulse event”, but noted that none are celebrities. Although his own flame has diminished with age, he still smiles as he reflects back on the day he “put 'em all away”.

"Not a cloud in the sky that day," Haberlein says, fondly remembering. "no wind either, so no worries about pissing into the wind.”

"Ahead of me, some three hundred competitors had already taken their ‘shots’ when it was finally my turn. I remember I had to wave a few of the judges out of the way because I knew that they would be standing right in the path of my stream. They didn’t believe me at first, the best then was a mere 25’ or so. But when I finally got them all out of my line of fire, I did my “single impulse”. That ended the competition right there! 128.6’! Behind me, the remaining 1122 participants either zipped up and left, or headed to the portable units set up around the field. I'll never forget that. When it was over, and I'd washed my hands, my arms were sore from all of the congratulatin’.”

When asked if anything had changed in the years since then, Haberlein added, “Oh yeah, in those days, just like in the ancient Greek competitions, there weren't any women allowed in the competition area. So yes, things have changed, that’s for sure!"

This reporter admits that it was a real pleasure to interview the long-time and still highly-respected World Champion!

The newly formed “Interstellar Chapter of the Celebutards Society”, claiming an interstellar cadre of fans, will finance the upcoming venture. NASA’s involvement appears to be strictly on an ‘observer’ basis only. It is rumored that the actual departure will be from East L.A. somewhere, and that a rebuilt theater will be used as a 'transport booth'.

Stay tuned for further news as it breaks.

All photos courtesy of StarPulse with help of Copyright © 2003-2007 Photobucket Inc. All rights reserved.

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