Let's get something straight right from the get go - Chili Dogs are man food, to be eaten only by real mean (or extremely masucline women). So, if you're the umpire in this commercial, do not make chili dogs, do not eat chili dogs, you'll probably do some harm to your wussy organ. Now if you're the wife in this commercial - eat and make away - she's a badass!

One more example. If you are the kid on the bike - no chili dog for you just for the way you cry. If you are the kid filming this wuss - eat away - you didn't miss a frame when your friend/brother/whatever smashes his face into the ground. Clearly filming is more important to you than the well-being of others - you're a badass!

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Okay, got it? Good!

Here's how you make the best chili dogs. And, no, I'm not doing a list of ingredients - you'll have to read!

First cook your hotdogs. Any hot dogs will do and any method of cooking will do. Ball Park Meat Franks are pretty good so start there. If you know how to use a butane torch use that for cooking otherwise I recommend cutting the dogs almost in half (knives are good and should be worked in anyway possible) length wise, splitting them and throwing them on the grill.

Next, throw on some chili. In a pot on some sorta of cooking surface - again it really doesn't matter that much. DO NOT MAKE YOUR OWN CHILI! Too much of a wuss factor. You can use your wife's chili but I recommend Hormel Chili With Beans. BEANS ARE MUST! If you can't eat chili with beans, you can't eat chili dogs - go stand with the girls and talk about makeup or something.

When the chili is nice and hot (you can tell by sticking your finger in it, if your finger starts to burn slightly - chili is done) and the hot dogs are almost done (if you don't know how to tell when your hotdogs are done - go stand with the girls) - toast your buns. If this last part makes you take off your pants - turn in your man card. Yet again, any hotdog buns will do. Use either that torch or a toaster oven or better yet, the grill.

Combine all three - hotdog bun, hotdog and chili you moron. Smother the hotdogs and buns in chili not just on top of the hotdog. Yes this will mean eating these delightful dogs with a fork and knife (refer to the statement above).

The cheese goes on next. And cheese goes anywhere there is chili. Use lots and lots. Now this is very important - use extra sharp cheddar shredded cheese. DO NOT SHRED YOUR OWN CHEESE. If all you have is block cheese then get your wife to shred it for you. Only extra sharp will do due to its distinct manly taste, do not use any other cheese!

Lastly, but what seperates the girly-men from the manly-men, add a generous amount of mustard to the top. Do I have to say it? Any mustard will do as long as its yellow and not that ground crap.

Eat away and enjoy your manliness!

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