Micro Reviews; everything you need to know in less than 500 words.
Reviewing: Alien Versus Predator: Requiem. (I wish I hadn’t though)

The Basic Premise:
A predator ship carrying a bunch of alien face huggers and a ‘predalien’, crash lands on earth after the predalien causes all kinds of havoc on the ship. Another predator is sent to clean up the mess and cover it up. A bunch teenagers get involved, the infestation spreads and everyone has to fight for their lives to escape the pissed off and hungry aliens, and the predator.

My Opinion:
AVP 2 was one of those films that was so awful I watched the end credits just to get an idea of names to look out for next time I went to watch a movie. If any of these people are involved in future films, I will avoid them. There was a lot wrong with AVP 2, and all the problems where just as big as each other.

For starters, the crew couldn’t seem to decide what they wanted to make. An action film? A horror film? A romance flick? AVP 2 tries to be all these things and fails miserably. The first stages of the film are suspense and horror, which is done in short 30 seconds chunks with about 15 minutes of two dimensional dull as dishwater characters running around panicking about what’s going on. It was slow, boring and predictable. Next it switched to out and out action with emphasis on predator wank and ‘everyone but the heroes suck’ sequences, which climaxes in the characters surviving the most absurd situation possible at the end of the film.

The entire film was so dark that you couldn’t see what was going on, the whole thing was cut together as if a three year old will silly scissors had done it, the characters where poorly written and poorly acted, half of them suffered from Hollywood macho syndrome (including the women), we never get to see the predalien properly (hell we never get to see anything properly), the story is predictable and the ‘twists’ are so telegraphed that you’d have to be blind and deaf not to figure them out.

In Closing:
Awful. Simply awful. If the crew had decided to make it EITHER a horror film OR an action film, it might have worked. As it stands it’s just a pile of dull dishwater with a handful of moments that you remember as ‘cool’. These moments are not even remotely worth the river of shite that is the rest of the film. If you like the idea behind the film though, I heartily recommend you watch resident evil: apocalypse, it’s what AVP 2 was trying to be.
-Evis T.
http://www.xomba.com/user/evis_t
https://www.triond.com/users/Evis+T