It seems women are perpetually at war. We painstakingly make decisions for ourselves, our bodies, our families, and when that decision has been made, we feel the need to fight to defend those decisions. Whether moms should stay at home or work outside the home is a contentious subject to say the least.

Stay at home moms resent what feels like social demotion upon their decision to stay at home with their children. Meanwhile mothers who work full time resent the implications that their children suffer because they are making a living for their families. In the end, I believe what all this dissention amounts to is insecurity in our own choices.

I have been on both sides of the fence. I have worked outside of the home before pregnancy, during pregnancy, and after pregnancy. I have had children in childcare, and have worked during school hours. I have also been a stay at home mom, I in charge of nothing more than dirty diapers, naps, meals shopping, and paying bills. Eventually I have settled into being a work from home mom.

There are many benefits to being a stay at home mom. The first is being able manage your life according to the schedule of yourself and your family instead of your employers clock. Being a stay at home mom means you have more time to spend with your children, and that there is a greater chance that your home will be in order (though there are no guarantees).

There are many benefits to being a working mom. The first benefit is having adult conversations during the day. (I vividly remember the days when I would have given anything to talk to a “big person” during the day.) Working moms also have the benefit of having their own money ad not having to rely on their spouse when the want to purchase a piece of jewelry or get a pedicure. Believe it or not, stay at home moms; many working women actually love their jobs. Corporate America is an intriguing world. There is tons of mental stimulation, exciting projects, and interesting people. Working can be fun, when you want to do it.

The downsides to being a stay at home mom are draining. Imagine being the only woman on your block at home during the day. There is no one to go to when you need emotional support or just a bit of companionship. Work-at-home mothers often feel unappreciated and overlooked in spite of their obvious talents and value.

The main downside to being working mom is feeling conflicted. Work at home moms are missing many of the firsts of their child. To work outside the home when you have, a child is a huge sacrifice of spirit. The monetary exchange however, may be necessary to survive, or even impossible to turn down.

There are hundreds, even thousands of reasons why a mother would want to work outside the home, or to stay at home. It is highly unlikely that the two sides will agree any time in the foreseeable future. I personally believe that the mothers who do most of the griping, sniping, and snubbing of and at one another are the ones who are not happy and secure in their current positions. Many stay at home moms would love to work, at least part time. Many working moms would rather be at home. Circumstances and timing for neither may line up, however.

If we as women could learn to be happy in our own circumstances and support our sisters instead of berating them for personal decisions based on circumstances we know something about, we would all be better off. If your desire is to be in the other women’s shoes, perhaps you should take some time to look into other alternatives. Finding a way to work from home, perhaps by teaming with someone from the opposite camp, (as each has the experience the other needs) might make everyone happy in the end.