Movie Review: 2019 - The New Barbarians (1982)
posted October 20, 2009 - 12:26pmNo matter how low the budget is, Italian movies usually look better than most other movies - except for two genres: sword and sorcery, and Mad Max rip-offs. Not even Enzo G. Castellari (who directed the original INGLORIOUS BASTARDS in 1978) managed to make this sucker from 1982 look any good. But
on the other hand, post apocalyptic actioners is an unusually silly sub-genre with its dated 1980s esthetics.
The hero is called Scorpion and kind of looks like the village hunk in EMMERDALE FARM or something like that, and he drives around the wastelands just nearby Rome. The evil, homosexual gang The Knight Templars kill people left and right, but Scorpion stumbles upon (the real) Miss Italy 1977, plus Fred Williamson and a little kid who helps him out. Then people drive cars and other vehicles, fight in slow-motion, and then the movie is over.
The cars are funny looking with their glass domes and added electronical noises, machine guns sound like laser pistols, bows and arrows sound like pistol shots, everybody's wearing crazy outfits, and the dialogue gives the impression of being written by a twelve year old.
Yes, it sounds like I'm complaining, but hey, don't listen to me! This movie is pretty damn fun! The giant George Eastman is in it, Williamson has a cool moustache, Claudio Simonetti's score rocks, and blow me down if it isn't "The pig faced kid" from HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY playing the helpful boy!
This is a perfect movie for morons like me.
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