20
votes

Mrs. Grammar Pants Gets Hers

posted June 5, 2008 - 3:08pm
Mrs. Grammar Pants Gets Hers

I work in the field of Civil Engineering and I absolutely hate math. I was never any good at it and back in my day, you could graduate high school by only passing pre-algebra. I barely eeked through that and it was possibly due to the sympathy of my teacher, Mr. Colgan, that I passed at all.

Later, in college, I avoided all required math classes by substituting two years of a foreign language instead. Yep, I would rather spend two years conjugating verbs rather than one term in a loathsome math class.

As irony would have it, my career path wound around and around over the years until I found myself working in a Civil Engineering firm as an administrative/purchaser/contract go-to person. That means that I work with six men who design-build bridges and roads and I process all the necessary paperwork to complete the jobs. It’s a perfect fit for me.

For you see, engineers can’t write. Rather, they can’t write well. I am constantly editing their correspondence, memos, grants, etc. Their minds are full of technical jumbles of equations and measurements and they neither have the time nor the patience to spend on the written word. My mind is full of grammar rules, spelling tricks, subject-verb agreement and the lofty dreams of indentations.

So it’s no surprise that their first draft of anything winds up on my desk for editing. I have to take their evil calculations and embed them in the warm comfort of proper business English. The dark side of me loves to point out their writing weaknesses to them but only because they have such superior math skills. They, in turn, gave me a gag gift of a gigantic calculator to help me add 2 + 2.

Here’s where I get mine. After editing a particularly long and heinous grant application, I was cranky, tired, brain-drained and in need of dumping my frustrations out on my guys. Of course, their calculations were all in order but as far as sentence structure – NONE! I reminded them that they were lucky to have me as their personal editor and look what they put me through, yadda yadda yadda (all tongue-in-cheek, mind you). And that’s when the crushing blow was delivered by Mike.

“Did you send out this grant already?” he asked.

“Yep. It was due a half hour ago. I sent it electronically to the agency’s contact,” I replied.

“Hmmm. Did you look it over before you sent it out?”

“That’s what I do, Mike, jeez.”

“Hmmm. Jim, did you see this before it went out?” asked Mike turning towards Jim.

“Nope. That’s Mia’s thing,” said Jim.

My attention piqued, I grabbed the copy of the grant application from Mike’s hands. Scanning quickly, I tried to find out to what problem he was referring.

And there it was. I gasped upon seeing the flagrant spelling violation of the worst kind. I didn’t catch it. Spell check didn’t catch it. But I knew that the panel reviewing the grant applications would catch it.

“Well, Mrs. Grammar Pants, I’m sure our app will stand out from all of the others now!” laughed Mike.

For right there on the page, I had typed “public” without the “L”. Since it still makes a real word, it didn’t get called out in red. Here’s the sentence:

… We are confident that the proposed trail construction will curb the overgrowth of invasive vegetation and make this a pub(l)ic place that everyone can enjoy.

END.

Disclaimer: Any grammatical or spelling error made in the above xombyte is unintentional. I am too embarrassed right now to have it pointed out to me, so please be kind when you read this. Sincerely, Mia.

TIP: To avoid spelling mistakes like mine, or just to refresh your grammar skills, you must bookmark this web-site called Grammar Girl at:

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/

It’s an invaluable site that can be quite helpful no matter what type of writing you do.

Visit my recent posts at:
http://www.xomba.com/user/mia_northwest


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Comments

Very FUNNY!

I love it when people find the humor in themselves. This article was great. Having a daughter who also works for a civil engineering firm, and knowing the technical jargon she has to edit, I sympathize. 

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 Your blog and article writer.

Writing +1

I do o.k. with writ'n having essentally stoppped my for male educashun at high skool Math isn't to bad of a subject for me either But I seem to have the moist difficultee with pubic speaking Really an enjoyable read. Always good to be able to laugh at yourself. FreeCracker4Jack Would you like to earn money writing similar articles? CLICK ME! Read more great articles: http://www.xomba.com/xombyte/free_cracker_4_jack?p

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Mindless veggies

Luckily veggies don't have brains, so you don't have to feel bad about any of your plant invegations (that's incarnation, veggie style).

veghead's Xombytes

I Was a Vegetable Once; that Feeling's Worse than Any Lash

The feeling of the greatness trapped within your untapped mind. With More Devotion to than Words Dare Express, Uncle MythMan

---when You Join Xomba, you can join this- and MythMan's other-hot discussions!

Ave Veg would be acceptable

It has a certain symmetry to it, don'cha think? But as a peace-loving plant chomper, I have to say that I'm totally against whipping and beating, even if it feels good.

veghead's Xombytes

Luckily, I'm Not Paid More for Telling You How Wrong You Were

If I were, then a) Excuse me! What about my telling you how perfect you are? b) Excuse me! Am I or am I not telling you how perfect you are? And--as always--the correct answer is c) When Veg slips, the world slips with her ... it is up to we your readers to appreciate the blesséd thoughts you wish to describe to us and to praise them in our own special ways. Whether that's raising our arms in your general direction and calling out "Ave Maria!" or just whipping it out and beating it as we defend your perfectness to our friends. With More Devotion to than Words Dare Express, Uncle MythMan

---when You Join Xomba, you can join this- and MythMan's other-hot discussions!

my perfection slipping but still within my grasp

Compare the third word, second paragraph, in my nearly identical comments, hint hint-->

veghead's Xombytes

her back is probably killing her: the price of perfection

(Referring to your girl's rack. Ouch!) As for your recognizing my own perfection--no problem--just an occasional genuflection in my direction would be fine, thanks.

veghead's Xombytes

her back is probably killing her: the price of perfection

(Referring to your girl's rack. Ouch!) As for you're recognizing my own perfection--no problem--just an occasional genuflection in my direction would be fine, thanks.

veghead's Xombytes

Perfection Is a Thankless Job, Right Veg?

But we mortals, knowing we can never appropriately repay your perfect gifts to us, don't care to bother much trying. Thanks Though! With More Devotion to than Words Dare Express, Uncle MythMan

---when You Join Xomba, you can join this- and MythMan's other-hot discussions!

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