Mrs. Grammar Pants Gets Hers


Mrs. Grammar Pants Gets Hers

18
points

I work in the field of Civil Engineering and I absolutely hate math. I was never any good at it and back in my day, you could graduate high school by only passing pre-algebra. I barely eeked through that and it was possibly due to the sympathy of my teacher, Mr. Colgan, that I passed at all.

Later, in college, I avoided all required math classes by substituting two years of a foreign language instead. Yep, I would rather spend two years conjugating verbs rather than one term in a loathsome math class.

As irony would have it, my career path wound around and around over the years until I found myself working in a Civil Engineering firm as an administrative/purchaser/contract go-to person. That means that I work with six men who design-build bridges and roads and I process all the necessary paperwork to complete the jobs. It’s a perfect fit for me.

For you see, engineers can’t write. Rather, they can’t write well. I am constantly editing their correspondence, memos, grants, etc. Their minds are full of technical jumbles of equations and measurements and they neither have the time nor the patience to spend on the written word. My mind is full of grammar rules, spelling tricks, subject-verb agreement and the lofty dreams of indentations.

So it’s no surprise that their first draft of anything winds up on my desk for editing. I have to take their evil calculations and embed them in the warm comfort of proper business English. The dark side of me loves to point out their writing weaknesses to them but only because they have such superior math skills. They, in turn, gave me a gag gift of a gigantic calculator to help me add 2 + 2.

Here’s where I get mine. After editing a particularly long and heinous grant application, I was cranky, tired, brain-drained and in need of dumping my frustrations out on my guys. Of course, their calculations were all in order but as far as sentence structure – NONE! I reminded them that they were lucky to have me as their personal editor and look what they put me through, yadda yadda yadda (all tongue-in-cheek, mind you). And that’s when the crushing blow was delivered by Mike.

“Did you send out this grant already?” he asked.

“Yep. It was due a half hour ago. I sent it electronically to the agency’s contact,” I replied.

“Hmmm. Did you look it over before you sent it out?”

“That’s what I do, Mike, jeez.”

“Hmmm. Jim, did you see this before it went out?” asked Mike turning towards Jim.

“Nope. That’s Mia’s thing,” said Jim.

My attention piqued, I grabbed the copy of the grant application from Mike’s hands. Scanning quickly, I tried to find out to what problem he was referring.

And there it was. I gasped upon seeing the flagrant spelling violation of the worst kind. I didn’t catch it. Spell check didn’t catch it. But I knew that the panel reviewing the grant applications would catch it.

“Well, Mrs. Grammar Pants, I’m sure our app will stand out from all of the others now!” laughed Mike.

For right there on the page, I had typed “public” without the “L”. Since it still makes a real word, it didn’t get called out in red. Here’s the sentence:

… We are confident that the proposed trail construction will curb the overgrowth of invasive vegetation and make this a pub(l)ic place that everyone can enjoy.

END.

Disclaimer: Any grammatical or spelling error made in the above xombyte is unintentional. I am too embarrassed right now to have it pointed out to me, so please be kind when you read this. Sincerely, Mia.

TIP: To avoid spelling mistakes like mine, or just to refresh your grammar skills, you must bookmark this web-site called Grammar Girl at:

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/

It’s an invaluable site that can be quite helpful no matter what type of writing you do.

Visit my recent posts at:
http://www.xomba.com/user/mia_northwest


Get paid to be a xombie! Join us here at: http://www.xomba.com/referral/77793fec
Thanks!





Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
wHATUP's picture

I's got skillz

I's got mad grammaring skillz. Not really, I suck so you should feel lucky.

wHATUP's Xombyte

kjhack's picture

Heh!

Funny story.

I'll check out that link, since I could probably use a little "refresher".

I couldn't find any errors in your above post, btw. :)

kjhack's Xombytes

↑ Grab this Headline Animator

Join Xomba

Idlewild's picture

Grammar Girl

Yeah, it's a good podcast. I wrote a review of it when I came upon it in '06...
http://www.xomba.com/a_painless_way_to_improve_your_grammar_and_writing

For anyone who already is a grammar pro (or just doesn't care about it), the QD folks now have a whole stable of quick-and-dirty podcasts: Money Girl, Legal Lad, etc. All in the same quick, short format. It makes learning stuff pretty easy.

I don't think they would help me get past Algebra II, though.

Mia Northwest's picture

Thx kjhack, idlewild and wHATUP, you challenge me

Thx kjhack, idlewild and wHATUP, you challenge me to put up creative posts with some good grammar and spelling. Thanks for checking for typos kjhack!!!

Peace,

Mia NW

Visit my recent posts at:
http://www.xomba.com/user/mia_northwest

Get paid to be a xombie! Join us here at: http://www.xomba.com/referral/77793fec
Thanks!

mythman's picture

I Know Just Enough Linguistics-History to Not Really Care

None of the 'grammafication' matters if you get your message across.

With More Devotion to than Words Dare Express,
Uncle MythMan

rawnak's picture

Congrats!

On making it to the front page.:-)
Love reading all your posts. thanks for the link. Will bookmark it.

rawnak's Xombyte

Nick - Xomba CEO's picture

wht u meen?

We get all kinds of email here at Xomba. People think just because the article is posted here that we are that person/company.

I cry every time I read an email that barely makes sense.

I'm not talking about people whose tongue is not native to English either.

Mia Northwest's picture

You should see what I get at work!

The emails I get at work are what's unbelievable. It's like the "Someone's Looking For Love" xombyte! Thanks for the spotlight!

Peace,

Mia NW

Visit my recent posts at:
http://www.xomba.com/user/mia_northwest

Get paid to be a xombie! Join us here at: http://www.xomba.com/referral/77793fec
Thanks!

binkdonk's picture

lol

Congrats on the Spotlight Mia! We had a sign board in our town announcing "public swim" and the "l" mysteriously disappeared...I know it's childish but I giggled every time we drove past it. Funny xombyte. +1

Get Paid $$$ to Write! Join Xomba! www.xomba.com/referral/7778f814

mamamia07's picture

Lol...Grammar pants

But the question is will the podcast help the kid? I tend out all my grammaring frustrations on him!

Congrats on winning Mia!

Click here to read my articles
Make Money. Join XOMBA HERE!

Mia Northwest's picture

mamamia & binkdonk

Thanks for the comments! I appreciate the support - in trying to keep up with all of you!

Peace,

Mia NW

Visit my recent posts at:
http://www.xomba.com/user/mia_northwest

Get paid to be a xombie! Join us here at: http://www.xomba.com/referral/77793fec
Thanks!

veghead's picture

it's always something

To quote the late great Rosanne Rosannadanna. Just when you think you're perfect (even if you can't do math), along comes a moment of truth to keep you humble. Pretty funny.

mythman's picture

Perfection Is a Thankless Job, Right Veg?

But we mortals, knowing we can never appropriately repay your perfect gifts to us, don't care to bother much trying.

Thanks Though!

With More Devotion to than Words Dare Express,
Uncle MythMan

veghead's picture

her back is probably killing her: the price of perfection

(Referring to your girl's rack. Ouch!)

As for you're recognizing my own perfection--no problem--just an occasional genuflection in my direction would be fine, thanks.

veghead's picture

her back is probably killing her: the price of perfection

(Referring to your girl's rack. Ouch!)

As for your recognizing my own perfection--no problem--just an occasional genuflection in my direction would be fine, thanks.

veghead's picture

my perfection slipping but still within my grasp

Compare the third word, second paragraph, in my nearly identical comments, hint hint-->

mythman's picture

Luckily, I'm Not Paid More for Telling You How Wrong You Were

If I were, then a) Excuse me! What about my telling you how perfect you are? b) Excuse me! Am I or am I not telling you how perfect you are?

And--as always--the correct answer is c) When Veg slips, the world slips with her ... it is up to we your readers to appreciate the blesséd thoughts you wish to describe to us and to praise them in our own special ways.

Whether that's raising our arms in your general direction and calling out "Ave Maria!" or just whipping it out and beating it as we defend your perfectness to our friends.

With More Devotion to than Words Dare Express,
Uncle MythMan

veghead's picture

Ave Veg would be acceptable

It has a certain symmetry to it, don'cha think?

But as a peace-loving plant chomper, I have to say that I'm totally against whipping and beating, even if it feels good.

mythman's picture

I Was a Vegetable Once; that Feeling's Worse than Any Lash

The feeling of the greatness trapped within your untapped mind.

With More Devotion to than Words Dare Express,
Uncle MythMan

veghead's picture

Mindless veggies

Luckily veggies don't have brains, so you don't have to feel bad about any of your plant invegations (that's incarnation, veggie style).

Free Cracker 4 Jack's picture

Writing +1

I do o.k. with writ'n having essentally stoppped my for male educashun at high skool Math isn't to bad of a subject for me either But I seem to have the moist difficultee with pubic speaking

Really an enjoyable read. Always good to be able to laugh at yourself.

FreeCracker4Jack
Would you like to earn money writing similar articles?
CLICK ME!

Read more great articles: http://www.xomba.com/xombyte/free_cracker_4_jack?p