Well, hello there. I imagine you either grew up around or knew a musician that played an instrument-let's say, a pianist or a guitarist-and when they sat to practice, you'd find them staring at a piece of paper with some strange writing on it.

For the guitar, it was probably a set of six dotted lines with random numbers in between them.

For the piano, it probably looked to you like a bunch of ants squiggled up, squashed, and dancing on thin lines across a page. The ever present treble clef, that sweet little symbol that looks a bit like a money sign but much prettier, was a source of relief: at least in terms of aesthetic value, it must have eased your mind to see something that could actually stand to be understood.

I am prepared to simultaneously bring your confusion to an end and have you ask more questions: this is a 'how to': "How to understand what the crap those ants mean!"

In order to understand the guitar, it is better to first understand the piano.

Some say the guitar is easier, but I'd beg to differ: once you understand the piano, the guitar will be easy. Without this foundation in music, you will be almost completely clueless... unless you have a recorder and actually bothered to learn how to play it at some point in your life beyond the classes you were forced to take in elementary school. (That's right. I know they did it to you, because they did it to me and I didn't understand a WORD the teacher was saying!)

But I digress.

First let us look at a piano keyboard. Ooh, it's looking a little daunting, isn't it? That said, I am actually first going to reveal the basics of a piano and keyboard. You need to know these first before you can learn about those pesky ants on paper! In part two, I try to teach you how to understand what those weird little ants actually mean, and how they create, denote, and translate into the beautiful music you love so much.

If you look carefully, you'll notice the black keys are set up in a strange pattern: sets of three, then two white keys between a set of two.

These black keys are the sharps and flats you probably  heard about.

Let's make it easier for you to know which is which: when the black key in question is to the Right of a white key, it is that white key's Sharp note. If it is to the left of a white key, it is the Flat note of that white key.

An easy way to remember it that I conjured up upon first learning it: Right, shaRp; Left, fLat.

Notice that the name of the note you are looking for will contain the letter that corresponds with the initial of the correct direction.

More simply put, there is an R in Sharp for 'Right', and an L in Flat for 'Left.'

Easy? Incredibly. Let's move on!

So now you know to identify the black keys as the sharps and flats!

"But, what are they sharps and flats to? o.o"

Easy! They're the sharps to their white keys!

"Then... what are the white keys?"

Ooegh... >.>;

This will get slightly more complicated, but I will try to explain it as comprehensively as I can:

The notes you see on a piano are as follows: C D E F G A B C.

Notice it gets back to C at the end of that?

"Why does that happen? O.o"

It's because those keys are the technical terms for what you grew up hearing: "Do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do!"

Do and do, C and C.

And, the letter of the note corresponds to that sound.

"Well, that's awesome, but where do the letters go?"

Okay. Do you remember where that pair of black keys is?

"Yeah... but they're all over the board..."

I know. ^_^

It's the same all across the board, but let's get back to what I was trying to tell you:

To the left of the black key that's on the left in that pair of black keys is a white key. (Duh?)

That particular key is 'C'.

What does that make the black key directly next to the C? The one that's on the Right of the C?

"C Sharp!"

You're an amazing student, and I feel fortunate to be teaching you these basics! X3

The white key next to the C is D, and so on... until you reach another C, which will once again be next to a black key that is in a set of two as opposed to three.

Easy way to remember the white keys on a keyboard: It starts at A and ends at G in terms of the alphabet. However, you start at C and end at C. Follow C in recitation until you hit G, then go "A, B, C!"

"Okay, wait: so... is there, like... a black key that is simultaneously sharp AND flat? Because, like... it's in between two white keys... or is there only one way you should identify it, and if so, what should I call those keys?"

Don't fret. The D and E notes will cause that problem. The black key in between them can be identified as either a D sharp, or an E flat, so don't be confused when one piece of sheet music tells you it's E flat, while a different one will identify it as D sharp. The same goes for any black key that has a key on either side of it.

"Aren't they all like that?"

Basically. You're learning already! =D

"Yay!"

You should be proud! X3 But now I've gotta make things a little harder on you: this is something you can related to guitar, but I'll elaborate on that aspect in a later piece: you just have to keep reading!
"Aww! D="

I felt I should try to keep the brain-hurty to a mininum. O.o This is a LOT to take in without pictures.

So, those black notes? From here on out, we call them 'half notes'. And those white keys? We call them "Whole notes."

"What? There can be half a note? OoO My mind is thusly blown!"

I know, right!? =D 

BUT, NOT ALL OF THE WHITE NOTES HAVE A HALF NOTE IN BETWEEN THEM.

In guitar, you would refer to these half notes as 'a half step.'

But let's first point out something you probably weren't aware of, much less thinking about: there ARE some whole notes that do NOT contain a half step between them. I mean, none at ALL. You will see this clearly on a keyboard/piano.

Let's look at that C whole note again: the note before it is a B.

Seeing it? There's no black key between them. The black key, better known as a half note, is noticeably absent!

That is your proof, and that is something crucial to remember if you are going to learn guitar. (Once again, I'll try to talk about this in a later post.)

B changes one WHOLE note , straight to C. (They're right next to each other, with no black note/half step in between them.)

This 'phenomena' occurs only with one other pair of notes on the key board: E and F.
 

Again, this is important for guitar! (I'll specify in the guitar portion, which I'll be sure to post at a later date if this hasn't killed your attention span.

"You know, Saku? I learned a lot about piano from you today... but... WTF does this have to do with the papers that had the ants on them?"

You mean piano sheet music?

"Uh... yeah..."

That's how you refer to it.

Now that I've taught you about the piano board itself, we can actually move on to learning how to read piano sheet music!

"When are we gonna get to the guitaaar?! D="

In time, grasshopper. In time: but patience is a virtue. X3