My, you're a persistant one, aren't you?

"What can I say? That's just how I roll!"

Well, I'm glad you came back for third. That second helping was a fatty, wasn't it?

"@_@ Indeed..."

But, hey! You made it this far! Now I get to stuff your half full brain full of delicious, delicious guitar-related information!

"Oh wow... can we, like, slow down a little? You left out so much in that last post, and still managed to say so much!"

Well, is there anything you'd prefer I start off with first?

"How about those rests?"

Screw you. o_o;

No, let's be serious: I did leave out mention of the rests.

In piano sheet music, and in music in general, you might notice that while a 'heart beat' is consistent-

"Tap, tap, tap, tap?"

-right, while a beat is consistent, usually the melody will not be consistent.

For example, three four time makes a pretty full use of rests. I once described three four time as being the 'Pirate Song's Timing' but actually the timing is better off being categorized as a 'Waltz timing.'

One two three, one two three, one two three, one two three!

 

See what I did there?

"Uhh..."

I counted in sets of three... four times! =D

".... I see what you did there. -_- And I don't like it."

Yeah, timing is actually pretty difficult to understand. In truth, I only came to understand three four time within the past year or so, and I've been a student of music officially since I was at least in middle school, in spite of being a music lover since before I was born. O.o;

While four four time is easy and three four time is a little awkward, at least both are easy to understand once you get the idea.

A song that has a good example of three four time aside from the theme song to Pirates of the Carribean would be the Tennessee Waltz.

"Umm...?"

It's an old song, granted, from the American nineteen fifties, but pay attention to the beat in that song. There are also rests in it, so it might be fun to pay attention to it.

 

"Okay, seriously, WTF are rests already!? D<"

I'm getting there!

So, when the melody is inconsistent with the beat, it's usually because the notes are at odd lengths, from one and a half beats, to six beats, to three beats.

"You never mentioned these! WTF?! How the hell do you get one AND a half beat?! What the crap does that sound like?? SIX beats!? I thought the maximum was FOUR! D= And how the heck did you manage THREE beats!? D<"

I think I already explained this, but there's this fun and sometimes excruciatingly annoying technique in music... some notes-a popular few of which I've already established in the previous post- will be handled by a composer with an odd sense of rhythm for his or her intended song. This is where halving a note comes in.

"Halving?"

Some notes will have a little black dot next to them. When this happens, it wants to you play that note... plus half of it's value.

"Why is this starting to sound like Algebra...? -_-"

Because there is a great deal of math in music. I suck at math, by the way, so you're not alone here... and if you're terrific at it, then ideally you would be really good at music, unless you completely lack a sense of rhythm. o.o

Anyway, four beats in a whole note: If you cut it in half, you get two, right?

"Right."

Two plus four is six.

Half note: Worth of two beats. Cut in half, equals one beat, yeah? Two plus three is three beats.

"I'm getting it, I'm getting it! =D"

... Quarter note.

"Crap. -_-"

The quarter note has a worth of exactly one beat. XD Cut it in half and you get...

"Half..."

So you get, one and a half beats.

"How the hell does that work, anyway!?"

... It's... pretty tricky to figure out, actually. I would say, just practice it yourself using the tapping method I told you about in the previous post. XD Sorry to not give you much better advice than that.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. -_-"

Well, rests are basically that. The melody stops to 'rest' for whatever annotated time.

 One of the rests looks like of like... "~" but vertical instead of horizantal. A squiggle, really.

This squiggle lasts for one rest. What does that make it?
"... A ... rest?"

A quarter rest, actually. =D

"So, let me guess: There are 'half rests' and 'whole rests' right? -__-"

Exactly!
"O.o I WAS JUST KIDDING, MA! D="

Well, I'm not! D=

I'm trying to think... I think Pie Jesu by Andrew Lloyd Webber has a long ending and a few rests in it. If you dare to search for the sheet music (which is a bit harder to find than tablature)

"You have... really... odd... tastes in music..."

I prefer 'eccentric' and thank you very much. XD

"... Not a compliment...*mumble*"

We've played around long enough! Now that I've explained the rests for the most part, and almost every major thing in sheet music that you should learn to read, it's time to move on to the guitar portion.

Metal Head: "FINALLY! RAAAAAWK! X3"

... Indeed.

Due to the fact that actually I am only just beginning to get the grasp of what note each fret on a guitar happens to be, I can only word simple things to you.

"Simple things?"

For example, what every string on your guitar should sound like.

"...Oh...?!"

The Standard Tuning for a six string guitar is EBGDAE. Starts at E and ends at E.

"...What?"

Also, for your learning pleasure, when a right handed person plays the guitar, it is generally accepted that the person will use the right hand to strum, meaning they leave their left hand to work the fret board.

"Huh?"

When a person is left handed, they strum with their left hand and work the frets with their right hand.

"What are you saying!?"

That said, I'm a right handed person that finger picks with my right hand, and generally specializes in Rhythm guitar.

"Okay, you are, like... speaking this alien language to me. What the crap are you saying?? I didn't understand any of that!"

Which is why I'm going to teach you! =D

"You haven't taught me anything! All you did was confuse me by showing off! D<"

Well, I presumed that to explain things, it's better to have some of your cards on the table to show the others. XD

"You're losing me again!! D<"

XD Right. Well, the right-handed and left-handed methods I feel I explained pretty clearly, but I want to add something crucial: Just because you're a right or left handed person doesn't mean you have to play the established way. Some left handed people play it right hand, and some right handed people play it left hand. It doesn't mean you're a freak of nature, or otherwise not normal... you're just a little bit unusual. You play the way you feel comfortable.

"... And while that was a very touching monologue, I REALLY WANT TO LEARN TO PLAY SOME FREAKING GUITAR! D<"

*sigh* I'll get on with it... The way a guitar is usually played, the strings are aligned in this manner:

E B G D A E.

That said, E and B are read first when you recite it, but it goes from the thinnest/highest pitched string to the most baritone E.

I play it right hand, so on my right-handed guitar the strings are strung up so that the highest pitched string is actually on the bottom of the set, the furthest away from my face. =3

"That's... really weird."

I know, right?

On a left handed guitar, the strings are strung in the opposite direction but will equate to having the same exact positioning as before... only you're holding the guitar neck in the opposite hand.

"... I think I'm starting to get this."

Lovely! Now, to remember E B G D A E.

"Yeah, there's no way I'm gonna remember that..."

Yeah, it seems like you'd be forced to remember that sequence off the top of your head... but I have an incredibly amusing way to remember it that you will not soon forget! >=3

"Funny?"

Easter Bunny Gets Drunk After Easter.

".... *busts up laughing*"

I know, it's great isn't it!? XD

"*still laughing*"

*rolls eyes and smiles* As long as you're gonna remember it, but keep in mind that it starts off in sequence: High string to low string (tonally), Lowest string to highest string (physically).

"*still laughing*"

I'm ready whenever you are. -.-; Now, as for tuning (which tends to be tedious when you're starting out if you don't have perfect pitch), there's a few things you can do.

"Oh! *straightens up* Right, how do I do that?"

To get your guitar correctly tuned tends to be a task tantamount to conducting an experiment with chemicals in your chemistry class. Luckily, there are a few methods you can use to get there.

"Okay, like?"

If you have an electric guitar, you can use the easiest but more expensive method: a guitar tuner.

"Something will tune your guitar for you!? O.o *jumps on the boat*"

Hold it, Desperado: this only works for electric guitars! If you use an acoustic like mine, you're out of luck!

"... *deflated*"

I felt the same way too, but there's more than one way to do this thing! =D

The other method is to tune by ear.

"... What?"

This works best primarily if you have perfect pitch-meaning, you know what a note is immediately upon hearing it.

"Oh... hell... NO."

All you'd really need to do is tune one of the E strings, either the most bass or the most soprano E. (Preferably the bass E)

"No..."

From there on out, you can actually tune the rest, provided your hearing is decent enough to match a note for a note.

"NO."

Another thing you can do is set yourself next to a piano and play a key, then match it to your guitar's individual strings.

"Oh, what is the word I'm looking for? NO! D<"

I know it doesn't sound easy, but these are the most popular methods.

"Then what is YOUR method, since you're such a freaking rebel!? D<"

I use a recorder! ^-^

".... *blink* ... *blink* WHAT!? O>O; "

You heard me. I use a recorder. That vile instrument teachers tried to senselessly beat into your kid when you were in elementary school. That's right. I have one, and I use it to tune my guitar.

".... WTF!? D8 WTF!? D8 WTF HAX?!"

*laughing* It's unorthodox, that's for certain, but it's convenient: I can carry a recorder around in my guitar case, the way an electronic guitar tuner can easily be carried around, and it doesn't require batteries unlike an electronic guitar tuner, plus I can use it to tune either an acoustic or an electronic.

"WTF HAX! D<"

*laughing* I'm not 'hacking' anything. These are instruments, remember?

"How in the...!?"

Relax so I can explain it to you. On a recorder, there's at least an octave. 

"I don't remember you talkin' 'bout no octaves, woman! D<"

I'll talk about them in a bit, hold your horses! D< Anyway, the E note on a recorder is the second of the two sets of double holes on the shaft, from the bottom going up.To properly play the E note, you close all of the holes (the back one included) to play a low "C". You lift a finger off the first/bottom most of the holes (one of the two sets) to play a D. When you lift your second finger and both of the double sets are open when you blow, you are playing an E note. You now know where the E note on a recorder is.

"... Thanks, but that's not exactly what I came here for? O.o"

You'll love me if you have one of these unusually useful suckers still lying around from the more antagonizing years of elementary school. XD

"Okay, so what am I doing here?"

If you haven't figured that out: You play the E note on the recorder, and you tune (preferably) the lowest toned E string (which is the closest to your face physically).

Memorize the sound of the E on the recorder, and tune the appropriate string. In order to lessen complication, I'm going to teach you the way it was taught to me: tuning from the most bass string to the most high pitched-meaning, we start with the E string that's closest to your face.

You tune that string to E. Sound good? Close enough? Alright. We're going to tune our guitar by ear.

"... &*#$%"

It's not quite as hard as you'd think, though it seems that way at first. Okay, from the Easter string we move to the After string. In order to tune the After (As in, the "A" string) string, hold down the fifth fret on your guitar.

"... What part of, 'I don't understand the words that are coming out of your mouth' don't you understand!? D<"

Sorry! If you pay close attention to a guitar, you'll notice these seemingly random metal bars-lines, really-on the fret board. The fret board is on the neck of your guitar. These metal lines are called 'frets.'

"Okay, thank you for telling me that."

You're welcome. The fifth fret is the fifth bar. In order to correctly make this note sound, you must firmly press down on the string, just behind the corresponding fret. On the bass E string, the note that comes out (if you do this correctly: don't worry, I understand it's difficult for beginners. It took me a month or two to learn to do it correctly!) on the fifth fret is the A note. When you play that A, tune what should be the A string so that it sounds like A note played on the E string.

"Wha...?"

Hold down the fifth fret on the bass E string, play it with your other hand, listen to the sound, and try to emulate it on what is supposed to be the A string. You do this by playing the A string 'open' meaning without holding down any frets on the string. Once the open A string sounds like the note on the fifth fret of the E string prior to it (I mean, as close as you can get it, preferably exact. Until the notes no longer buzz, but sound identical and ring clearly), you will do the same with that tuned A string.

"So you keep holding down the fifth string?"

It changes up a bit at some point.

"@$#&!"

It only sounds hard! D=

Only one changes! D=

It's the same for all except for one string! =D

While for the majority what you have to do is hold down the fifth fret and play that string to get the idea of the note that the following string should sound like and then tuning that string until it sounds like it's fifth fret brother, the one where this is not the case is actually: The G string.

"Tee hee! You said-"

I know what I said! D<

On the G string, in order to tune the B string, you must actually hold the FOURTH fret on the G string instead of the fifth.

".... Anything else?"

Everything else is "Hold five, pick the next, make sure it sounds the same!"

"... Alrighty then..."

Indeed!

I've taught you how to tune your guitar! Now, there are some wonderful sites online that you can learn chordes from, but I learned chordes from a guitar primer. ^_^

Nonetheless, the tablature lesson as well as ideas for songs to learn as a beginning guitarist will have to come in yet another installment of "How To Read The Ants."

"Are you kidding me!? D<"

Nope! ^_^

Until next time! =D