One of our friends is getting married. He's my age (30)...and he's marrying an 18 year old. He's trying to keep it a secret - he doesn't want everybody to know. I don't know why. If I was marrying an 18 year old, I'd be telling everybody. And I don't just mean the people I know...I mean people I see on the street - the cashier at the supermarket, my mailman, the guy who stands at the corner with a "Will Work for Food" sign. Everybody. I'd be passing out invitations to everybody - family, friends, family of friends, friends of family, my fourth grade teacher, my high school nurse, even my high school guidance counselor (and he said I'd never do anything great with my life). But to each their own, I guess. He doesn't have anybody to throw him a Bachelor Party, so I'm gonna get with a couple friends and see what we can do. He's gotta have a Bachelor Party. He's the first guy I know that's getting married in the last few years.

I'm in dire need of a Bachelor Party. Ken had one, but there were no strippers. How selfish is that?? I tried to give him a real one. He didn't want that. It was nearly reminiscent of the bachelor party that Doug threw on "King of Queens," but at least that one even had a stripper - even if she was nearly crippled. I need strippers. How dare he not have strippers!! It's the one thing us married guys have to look forward to anymore - our other single guy friends getting married so we can go to a Bachelor Party. It's our beacon - our lighthouse in the storms of the treacherous sea of less-sex marriage. So we're gonna have to throw this guy a Bachelor Party. He doesn't even have to show up. We can just have it in his honor. I just need an excuse to go to the nudie bar. More of my guy friends need to get married....for me.