God only knows why I am this way.  Well, that's not really true - I don't think God really has a clue.  I would think that the doctors probably should've known but then again maybe not.  Let me explain....

I was about 7 years old when it happened.  I was playing on some playground equipment at our apartment complex.  My buddy and I were having a mud fight with some of the local kids.  For those of you who don't know - mud fights are much like snowball fights just with dirty nasty mud, the dirtier and nastier the better.  In Florida in the summer there is almost always some mud within grabbing distance.  Anyway, having great military minds, my buddy and I took the high ground atop this structure that had a fireman's pole down the middle.  Matter of fact that was pretty much all it was - a ladder up to a platform that had a fireman's pole to slide down.  Of course, we dominated but there was one fatal flaw in our position - we could not restock our mud supply without getting pummeled.  Well, as I came to the realization that we were running short on ammo, I decided to sacrifice myself for our team.  I took a step backwards and immediately realized yet another huge mistake - I was much closer to the hole for the fireman's pole than I realized.  I fell backwards down the hole.  As luck would have it, the fireman's pole was surrounded by sand at the base but the sand hand been worn away so that its ragged cement base was exposed.  My head collided with that ragged base.  My skull was fractured but no one knew.  No one saw what happened but my buddy and the other kids.  A parent heard me crying and gave me a once over - I had only a minor cut that anyone could see.  He took me home where my parents monitored me for a concussion.  Well, after a week of me having screaming headaches and not a single doctor being able to diagnose what was wrong - one genius actually x-rayed my skull and saw the fracture.  The fracture was overlapping causing pressure on my brain thus the headaches.  I was rushed into surgery to seperate the overlap.  Something must of went wrong although nobody ever told me. 

Maybe the doctor feared a malpractice suit.  Maybe my parents thought it would just go away since I was so young.  In any case I came out of the surgery a different kid.  I no longer knew right from wrong.  Well, that's not true, I knew right from wrong - I just didn't care.  I broke my brother's nose just to see what it would look like.  I tripped my mother as she went down the stairs because I thought it was funny.  As a teenager I wrecked my father's car just to see what it would feel like.  As young adult I got into fights just to feel the pain.  I married a woman just so I could divorce her so I could see the heartbreak on her face.  I fired people as a boss just see the fear in their heart.  Somehow, to me, doing the wrong thing was interesting.  Everyone tried to the right thing - I wanted to do the wrong.

Now, I am bored.  I've realized that I've experienced just about everything there is in life except one.  That's why I am here at medical school.  I wonder what it will feel like to hold someone's life in my hands and to let it go.  I bet it is going to be amazing.  Soon...

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