I am 20 years old and never once in my life have I had a relationship. What keeps me like many others away from such an experience? According to majority of the population its an amazing feeling. To know that someone is there who cares, someone who shares a mutual love, someone who is willing to do anything to keep this connection from dwindling away. It all sounds great yet I still find myself torn. On the one side is my desire to actually attempt to keep a link together, on the other my pure fear of commitment. I have found myself in many occasions explaining my fear to lessen the severity of its impact. Yet I myself don’t fully understand it.

Why can I not suck it up and leave my dare I say whoreish lifestyle behind me? My life has been filled with what I would call meaningless acquaintances,never has one of these bloomed into something more then that. Now a label has been placed on me, but not one person fully understands that this has nothing to with me embodying the labels that surround me. But more or less my lack of understanding of the fears I possess.

I read a quote the other day that got me thinking. It said "In life we don’t get what we want, we get in life what we are. If we want more we have to be able to be more, in order to be more you have to face rejection." Could rejection be my fear? A fear in which don’t want to face. Could all of my lifes troublesome encounters boil down to a fear of rejection? In my head I know if a girl graces you with her presence on more than one occasion most of the time your in. Unless of course you some how make some foolish mistake and show her a sixth toe on your foot that scares her away then you have most likely passed the test. So the chance for rejection has in theory been cast away. Or at least short term rejection. So that is not really where the problem lies. How about long term rejection? Say some how I find a lovely girl who maybe I feel deserves to be given the respect of more then just a fling. We hit it off and months down the road something happens, so the inevitable takes place and a rocky break up coincides. Is this possibly the answer? Is the long term thing what injects fear into my heart? After throwing this idea around for quite some time I have come to a conclusion. I don’t know! You see how could I know unless for once in my life I just throw all inhibitions out the window and just go for it. Take the chance to see that there are great things that one person can offer that many cant. After all it is my belief that in not taking a chance and doing what you would never do, you lose out on something amazing. And that may be the bigger risk.