New Rules for 2008

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George Carlin's New Rules

Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com !

Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window

Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone.

Stop screwing with old people.

The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.

I'm not the cashier!

If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope.

Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual.

Competitive eating isn't a sport.

No more gift registries.

When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine.

If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh.