Clarifying his controversial remarks about fighting terrorists, Barack Obama has said that if elected president he would send surly baseball slugger Barry Bonds to Pakistan as part of a military contingent. Bonds is rumored to have used steroids, as shown by his increased hitting power and very noticeable weight gain during the last decade.

"Al Quaeda's worst nightmare would be seeing a muscle-bound, ornery dude like Barry Bonds coming at them with a 22-ounce bat and a full-on fit of 'roid rage," Obama said.