On Trust and Openness in Relationships

To be trustworthy is, perhaps, one of the most valuable traits any of us can possess. As we go through life, we will bestow upon many out trust; and most likely be betrayed numerous times. Some of us will become jaded, cynical, and guarded as the number rises, while others may retain the same openness and willingness to trust others throughout their lives, regardless of how many times that trust has been violated. Perhaps it all depends on your emotional strength and just how grounded you are to begin with. The cynical often look upon those who continually open themselves up for the emotional distress of broken trust as gullible, stupid, or slow learners; while the open may view the cynical as negative, hardened, and bereft of heart. While I can be the most cynical person you'd ever want to meet, I fall into the latter category.

Despite spending a great deal of my life being very guarded when it came to opening myself up, it's now become very important to me have close relationships and share those parts of myself that were kept to myself for many years. There was a point, not too many years ago I'm ashamed to admit, when I became painfully aware of just how lost in my own little world I'd become. I feared becoming so closed off that I'd never be able to crawl out of my insulated environment. Would I die all alone with only my own thoughts bouncing around my brain to keep me company? What a frightening scenario. Something had to change.

So the guard slowly dropped and I began to seek a deeper level of intimacy in relationships. Although I may still not be perfect in that regard -- I'm still possess a profoundly solitary nature in many respects -- it's an ongoing process.

Fortunately, I'm a particularly terrible liar; not that I have any strong inclination to be deceitful, anyway. It's difficult for me to comprehend the heart and mind of those who are so adept at lying to their significant others -- or close friends, for that matter. What possible value is there in such relationships? I may have lied to myself for the longest time, believing I was happier alone with no complicated attachments, but these were more delusions than actual lies which became my truth.

Coming back to my cynicism: Yes, the ugliness of the World, and many of its inhabitants, has left me a harsh edge. But it's the ugliness around me that has helped me profoundly understand the value of having someone on whom you can place your complete trust. Without that, life would be worthless. And as I become more open, that edge begins to become more blunt.