Out on the Town

At what point in time did acting like a complete dipshit become not only tolerated, but expected? Can you really enjoy a night out anymore? It seems as if more and more liquored up older-than-but-still-acting-like-fraternity-brothers are ruining the nights of my colleagues. Really, do I want to fight you because my wife excuses herself from your stuttering drunken slander, you refuse, so I ask you in a less polite manner?!? Why is it that techno house mixed with top 40 pop sets off a chain reaction of uncoordinated boners grinding against scantily clad ass cheeks? No matter how hard I try, the urine on the floor in the men's room is unfuckingavoidable. Seriously, sword fighting was so last year. I think if you took off your J. Lo shades or not gel your hair so hard that your eyes chink, you'd be able to hit the piss cake in the urinal. I blame you guys for forcing me to "grow up" faster than I was supposed to. I'm young enough to enjoy a night of drunken debauchery. I also blame you for my afternoon and extreme late night drinking. If your behaviors were tolerable or humorous, I could enjoy normal drinking hours and not just the happy ones. It's sad to say that a fun night out is avoiding a fun night out. In the efforts of reducing waste (which would now be of my time) I'd like to end with a note of gratitude. To all you obnoxious, dry humping, indoor sunglass wearing, abercrombie patronizing, collar popped, gel spiked hair, well liquor drinking idiots, thank you for making the rest of us look so good. Free tip of the day, take care of the bartender, they'll definitely take care of you.