You have to wonder about people who are bending over backwards to the point of serious back injury to be Politically Correct these days. I don’t know how we arrived at this place where anyone who might say anything about anyone or any group might have to worry about legal repercussions. It makes no sense. It is like, at some point, everyone became so sensitive that no one can make a joke about anyone at any time and anyone who feels remotely insulted feels they have a right to pursue legal action.

This has created a kind of cultural terror that is really unreasonable in a supposedly free society. This is a country that, in theory, anyone should be able to say just about anything at any time. There are limits, of course, but generally speaking it is a society that is supposed to be free and, therefore, people should be allowed to poke fun at anyone. Lenny Bruce would not survive for five seconds in today’s society and he thought he had troubles during his time. I had always heard that to have true freedom you need to look at the guy saying the most loathsome thing and understand that he has the right to say those things. It is not freedom of speech, but only if you say these very nice things about everyone all the time.

In a way I feel very bad for school administrators. They are seemingly spinning around like tops out of control trying to make everyone feel good about themselves. The rules are so confusing to them that, essentially, anything that might offend someone, somewhere, anywhere, at some point is just forbidden without question. Many times it makes no sense but they are forced to do it. They have to make sure Muslims, Christians and Jews are all placated. They have to make sure atheists aren’t offended by saying a pledge. They have to make sure all ethnic groups are happy. It must truly be exhausting to try and run a school with a population that is growing ever-diverse.

I have a friend who has a sketch comedy troupe. They were invited to a school in the northern suburbs of Chicago to participate in this week-long event where artists, performers, writers, and other professionals come and spend time with the students. This is a potentially great thing as I think too many students get any creative outlets they may enjoy pounded out of them in your average school system so that they completely lose the ability to imagine by the time high school comes around.

His troupe has been invited at least three times in the past. They work with the kids and come up with several skits that the kids then perform. The comedy troupe he works with is relatively edgy but they are not outrageous. Well, this year, suddenly, they have had to jump through more hoops than any other person invited. Why? Because last year some parent somewhere had a few concerns about the material the kids did with this group and so now they have all kinds of rules and restrictions.

The one skit that really got tackled this year was called “Great Moments in Amish Pornography.” It is a 90 second skit wherein that music from 2001: A Space Odyssey is played. A player dressed like an Amish woman then lifts her skirt to show and ankle and a player dressed like an Amish man drops his suspenders from his shoulders. No actual nudity is involved and not a word is spoken throughout the skit. I, personally, think that’s pretty funny.

Well, first, it was banned because the word “Pornography” was in the title and the title was spoken aloud before the skit began. Not wanting to give up a funny premise the director suggested another name: “Amish Reproduction.” This time he was told they could not do it because it was potentially insulting to the Amish.

Let me state that phrase again. He was told that the sketch was potentially insulting to the Amish!!!! Let me explain that the northern suburbs of Chicago is NOT a hotbed of Amish activity. The nearest Amish community I am aware of is deep within Indiana. They do not have a community of Amish tucked away in this school’s district. From what I could gather after talking to my friend the school was not planning on busing in a large Amish group for the skits. At no point was it likely that anyone who was Amish would see this skit. So, one has to wonder, exactly which Amish folks this school was afraid of offending?

I am willing to bet you that you could even find an Amish person who would find it funny. More importantly, when did it suddenly become a concern for comedy troupes as to whether or not they might insult the Amish? What are the Amish going to do, march on our cities with rakes, hoes and ploughshares? I am just saying that the Amish seem to me like a closed society who prefer to just be by themselves and not spend a lot of time pursuing legal action against schools in northern suburbs of Chicago.

It seems to me that this is ridiculous. Now, as I mentioned, I feel bad for the school administration. They already have at least one parent screaming in their collective ears about skits this group has done with the kids in the past. They now have a skit that pokes fun at that all-time American taboo subject of sex. It does it in the most innocent, non-sexual way possible but nothing makes parents more squirmy than the words “pornography” or “reproduction” mentioned anywhere near kids or teenagers.

At some point, though, you just have to shrug it all off, I would think. You would just have to call your lawyers and warn them that it is likely some parent somewhere is likely to bring legal action because they feel little Billy or Jenny is too fragile to speak the words “pornography” or “reproduction” anywhere near them. I am quite sure in such a household little Billy or Jenny will grow up to be nice, normal adults without ANY sexual hang-ups at all, right? Sure, because there is nothing like making sex evil and nasty to make people grow into well-adjusted adults.

As for any Amish out there who might be reading this and feel insulted, I apologize. The last thing I need is a group of bearded men all named Jacob and Isaiah standing outside of my apartment with their horse-drawn carriages taking up space on the street. I certainly am not going to clean up after all of those horses. I don’t want to take a garden hoe in the back of the head either.

Bryan W. Alaspa’s novel Dust is available in print and eBook format at his website www.bryanalaspa.com and www.amazon.com.