Palin: She's Pretty, but Not Pretty Enough

As Newt Gingrich has gamely asserted, McCain VP pick's good looks are an asset. It's hard to argue that she won't bring some needed charm to the GOP ticket: The Republicans are about to nominate a bona-fide stuffed shirt, and tucking a pretty posy in the pocket can't hurt. The trouble is, 'Vogue' photographs or not, Ms. Palin's big smile and brown curls just aren't dazzling enough to distract voters from the dull and ponderous focal point in this picture.

McCain is old and tired. He looks it. He sounds it. It's a mystery why he's even going through the motions, unless he's just become accustomed to thinking that's the final entry destined for his political resume. And perhaps that's the most important reason that he fails to inspire, fails to attract, fails to even distract enough voters to make us notice or much care what he thinks, what he's saying. His nerd-nasal speaking voice doesn't help, either, almost guaranteeing glazed eyes in response to his drone: Passionate he's not. Visionary he's not. Most of the time, he seems barely interested.

So he's tried a new trick: An attractive barracuda with some sex-appeal. And look! She's got 5 kids! And look, isn't that cute; she likes to hunt. And hey! She's all about reform, and she really hates corruption. It's even likely that her very limited foreign relations expertise is at least sophisticated enough so she is all for 'World Peace.' Quick! Someone grab a crown!

Trouble is, he needs to appeal to women. And we're not charmed (although we would be interested in knowing what she's using to keep those teeth so pearly-white.) Lots of us have kids. No free points for that. We don't think it's cute that she likes to go hunting: Mostly, we think that's irrelevant, NRA or no.
We do care, though, that she's not pro-choice. And it doesn't impress that, despite her claimed aversion to political corruption, she's currently under investigation for (corruptly) using her political power and position to interfere in her sister's divorce case. Perhaps the ex-brother-in-law will turn out to be a lout, but I'm afraid it's still unethical to bully his superiors into firing him just so your sister can get custody of the kids. Unethical and unattractive, actually.

Finally, we really, really care that, instead of the qualified (and sometimes dowdy) Republican women McCain could have chosen, he made the cynical - and selfish - gamble that a pretty girl could make up for the lackluster top of the ticket.

No one's that pretty.

Harphorn is a librarian, freelance musician and writer. You can find more of her articles at http://www.xomba.com/user/harphorn.