Parenting 101 for the Newly Weds

Parenting - who does what?

Before we got married, Matthew and I discussed how many children we wanted. I have always wanted about six, an my husband always thought four to be a good number. As we were preparing to get married, we had no idea what the future held for us. Matthew thought we should start a family immediately, and over time I agreed to that, and nine months after our wedding our first son was born.

I breastfed him past one year old, waking up every two hours the first three or four months. I did that as Matthew was going to school and working, and I felt if I did all the baby stuff it would eliminate a lot of stress for him. Our first son was (and still is) a darling. He was cute and the first mixed race child in Matthew's family. We were able to work together since Matthew was a computer programmer for the family business. I assisted answering phones as a customer services agent, and I was able to take our son to work with us. He would eat, sleep and play most of the time until he was eight months. But it wasn't until we were about to have our second child that I realized I was not allowing Matthew to assist in rearing our child, especially when the baby was really small.

Recently I read Bill Cosby's Fatherhood book which discusses the raising of children. In it he said the following:

"The answer, of course, is that no matter how hopeless a father may be, his role is simply to be there, sharing all the chores with his wife. Let her have the babies; but after that, try to share every job around."

Bill Cosby wrote in his introduction that with the changing of times and more mothers working, fathers, who used to be the sole breadwinners, must share more child care and household chores with their spouses.

I suppose I decided for our second child to involve Matthew more in the baby care. Our second son who was unlike his brother. He was always hungry, cried a lot, was more demanding and in need of assistance. This threw Matthew for a loop, to the point that he was ready to quit having children altogether as I started to involve him more in rearing of our second son. Allowing Matthew to be involved was difficult for him, but he managed amazingly, especially as he didn't really remember that happening with his own father. Matthew came from a family with the old ideologies of fatherhood. His mother had ten children and did almost everything as far as taking care of the kids. His father was a doctor and always on call, and for his mother that was just the way of life.

Bill Cosby believes there really is no mystery to what women and men can and cannot do. But except for the physical realities of a pregnancy, delivery, and breast feeding, men have as much love to give as women. And I think this is true. Although my husband is better at doing his day job than changing diapers all day, he does have a lot of love for our small boys.

Anyway, our second child has produced a lot of challenges for us, especially for my husband, but it has brought us closer and enabled us to understand how different each child is. We are enjoying their needs and the experiences, even though some days we do wonder whether there is any joy to be found in the rearing of our children.

So for me, children help us to develop God-like qualities that we wouldn't otherwise gain. I have grown to be more patient, loving, understanding, tolerant, and am gaining a desire to learn to provide the best for each child. I have just decided that as a family we have got to work together and make it work to assist our children to become all that they choose to be in this life. After all, isn't that really the point of it all?