Depression.
I've forgotten how it feels.

Like a barrier.
It's like being cripled.
Like being in a wheel chair.
Only your arms don't work either and you can't move by yourself.
As if your feet are stuck in the sand and no matter how hard you tugg, the sand keeps callapsing in making it impossible to get out.The anxiety of being stuck for to long.
The weakness from trying.
Tugging and pulling but not getting free.
Then finaly you give in.
Your mind is exhausted from the panicking and your body is numb from the struggle.
Thinking seems nearly impossible and all you can do is sit, unthinking.
Empty.
Waiting.
But not knowing what it is you are waiting for.
Bored but feeling to tired to move.
Everything seems like an extra effort.
As if you've been stuck in quicksand and you've finaly gotten out.
Muscels wary.
All you want to do is sleep but you can't find unconsiousness.
Nothing is comfortable.
Everything seems to lead to you and you find yourself avoiding confrontation.
Not wanting to so much as give a smile of aknowledgment, affraid that it might trigure questions.
When asked if your ok you simply say "yeah, i'm fine." and pretend to smile.
If you show any signs then the questions start pouring like an unclogged drain.
Your lips began to feel like there are weights on them and talking would take too much interest to attempt.
So you don't.
Which is also the wrong thing to do because after awhile, it also causes questions to form.
So you just stay out of sight.
Out of touch.
Then your mind takes ahold of you and you over think.
Think and think and think.
About absolute nonsince.
Everything.
Anything.
And the depression takes over.
Before you know it you in a ball on the floor crying.
Your mind kicks in again and you momentairly ask yourself why.
Why are you crying exactly?
And when you can't answer the question, you give up on trying and give in again.
Then it becomes ruitine.
Everyday its the same thing.
Fake smiles.
Avoiding confrontation.
Trying to talk normal.
To keep intirest in what others are talking about.
Until your alone.
And you don't have to try anymore.
Then it takes over again.
Its an ongoing cycle and as soon as you've escaped, its as if your living your life on the point of a knife and at any given moment you could fall of back into that ruitine.
Depression.