Because females never fart I can only assume what it's like to be stuck somewhere public or social with that desperate 'uh-oh' feeling that comes with an impending ass-gas leak.

Because females never fart I can only assume what it's like to be stuck somewhere public or social with that desperate 'uh-oh' feeling that comes with an impending ass-gas leak.

You could be in the middle of a very important job interview; at a restaurant; on a date or in an elevator but that fart isn't gonna hang around in there forever, you know. It wants out. Now. Or at least within the next 5 seconds.

No amount of butt-clenching or breath-holding will prevent its freedom and when it's out, you'd better hope it's completely inert; if not - if it's stinky or excessively vocal - then people may suspect that there's something amiss (probably fresh air).

Well, now you can fart away 'til your heart's content! Introducing the completely weird and...no, just weird, Fart Silencer!

It's simple really; the Fart Silencer is a small plastic tube that is completely open at one end and completely sealed at the other with the exception of three small holes.

"But how does it work?", you ask. Well, I'll tell you;

According to its creator, all you have to do is insert this 'small tube' (these things are f-ing huge, by the way) into your....ummm...anus whenever you feel a fart coming on and voila! A soundless fart....apparantly.

If, however, odour is your main problem then the creators of this wonderous invention suggest that you spray some of your favourite smells onto a small cotton bud and place it into the tube; - your methane will then suddenly take on a pleasant tang (assuming that some of your favouite scents do not include skunks, camel breath or rotton fruit).

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What I want to know is this;

Which is a more acceptable social faux pas?

Scerario 1

You feel the need to pass wind and, despite your best efforts, have managed to fart in public. In a mild panic, you try to assess the situation; will it smell? Was it loud? Etc.

If there's a smell, you open a window or descretely move the people you're with away from the gas cloud you just created.

If it's loud, chances are you have to 'fess up and apologise. People will understand, it happens. And chances are, someone found it funny.

Scerario 2

Oh no, it's the methane monster! You feel gassy! Oh horror of horrors, you're going to pass some wind! It might stink or be tremendously loud! Whatever will you do!

Quickly reaching into your pocket/bag you pull out a strange, f-ing huge tube. "Excuse me," you say, as you loosen your breeches, stick a hand down the back of your pants and insert the Fart Silencer.

Even if people don't ask you what the hell you're doing, you can bask in the reassurance that no fart you produce could ever cause you embarrassment again. (But in all fairness, I imagine it would be pretty difficult to get embarrassed when everybody avoids you anyway).

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I came across this product using StumbleUpon and had a good chuckle when my partner saw it and commented that the only way he would even consider it a real product is if it made the real gun-silencer sound ^_^