Poncy fancy names

Just done my online monthly grocery shop, a real treat since I get my heart’s desires (or stomach’s) delivered to my door by a very sweet older gentleman who represents a Major Supermarket Chain Beginning with T. No more lugging 20 litres of cat litter and 24 tins of cat food home in my rucksack and losing all feeling in my arms.

Part of the fun is free: online browsing for little treats, most of which then get taken off my list which is perforce basic except for olives, anchovies, parmesan and capers. But while browsing I was struck by all the pretentious names. Chicken strips are ‘goujons’, the capers are ‘nonpareille’ (I’m wondering if that’s even good French) Loo paper is silky and there has been a nauseating campaing on UK TV to flog a fabric softener as ‘Dress in diamonds and flowers every day’, or something similar.

No, we are not taken in. Yes, we are disappointed when our X a la Y with lashings of sun-roasted home-baked Z turns out to be cottage pie. I suspect that even my cats aren’t fooled by their Premium Cuts of Gourmet Lamb in Gravy. Its mechanically retrieved reformed meat, from brains to testicles and though dislike for such ingredients is cultural rather than logical, I still feel a bit guilty. Just as well they didn’t read the packet.