There are three "varieties" of children - babies, toddlers, and children of all other ages up until the time they are adults. Although children who are substantially older than the youngest ones may, at times, be a little less prone to getting into a squabble with the very youngest of siblings, the potential for squabbles still looms large enough not to exclude even the oldest of kids from this subject.

Squabbles usually arise from one of the following situations:

1. A toddler may take advantage of his or her age and larger size when with a baby.
2. Two toddlers, neither of whom is emotionally mature enough to be able to
"play nicely", get into a squabble.
3. A toddler or a baby interferes with the play of an older child or older children.
4. An older child tries to, or does, take advantage of a toddler. (Older children
don't usually bother babies.)
5. An older child takes advantage of a younger sibling who is neither a baby nor
a toddler.
6. A younger child (not a baby or toddler) harrasses, teases, or otherwise bothers
an older sibling or siblings.
7. Two or more older children get into a squabble for any one of the zillion
causes of squabbling between older children.
8. Children of any combinations may squabble because they have just spent too much
time together.
9. Children of any age may squabble because there is too little of some piece of
personal or shared belongings, or else of Mom's time, to go around soon
enough to keep everyone involved happy.

Here are some things parents can do to reduce the squabbles that are a part of siblings lives but that don't need to occur so often that children spend much of their childhoods miserable, stressed-out, angry and frustrated:

When squabbling involves babies and/or toddlers parents need to limit the time these little children have together without a parent's watching and heading off problems before someone gets hurt. Children this young usually very much enjoy playing together, but it doesn't take long before one child takes something from the other and all heck breaks loose. It is also easy for one baby or toddler to accidentally fall on another or do some similar thing, so supervision of children this young is just required.

When squabbling occurs as a result of younger children's bothering older children parents really do need to be aware that intervening and giving the older children back their peace. When the younger child is a baby or toddler parents can just take the little one by the hand and lead him to something that will interest him. When the younger child who bothers an older child or children is not a toddler parents need to decide whether this is a time to act as mediator in order to allow the young child to continue playing with the older ones, or whether it is a time to remove the younger child and allow the older ones to play in peace.

Expecting older children, who may be engaged in some constructive activity, to always just put up with being bothered by a younger child is not fair to older children. At the same time, younger children who spend too much time around older ones who act as if the younger child is a nuisance can make the younger child feel too unwanted and looked-down-on for his own good. As with most things in life, finding a balance between kids' spending time with their different-aged siblings and all siblings having the chance to spend time alone or time just with kids with whom they get along well should be the aim.

When older children get in a squabble with other older children most people agree that kids should be left to resolve the issue on their own. It gives them a chance to gain experience in resolving differences. The way parents can know whether they should get involved is that kids often come to parents for dispute resolution or mediation, so kids are actually asking for help with a situation they don't know how to resolve. The other reason parents should step in is when the situation turns to physical violence. There is no reason kids should be allowed to resort to violence against siblings or against people with whom they are in disagreement. The message, "We do not have violence in our home," is an important one.

When my daughter was a baby her older brothers were three and eight. My sons got along quite well most of the time, and when they didn't I'd follow all the above reasoning when it came to what I'd do about a squabble. Once in a while, though, I'd be on one floor of the house. They'd be on a different floor. I'd hear that a squabble had broken out and - to be honest - just wasn't in the mood to go figure out what was going on between my littlest son and his older brother. I found that much of the time simpling calling to them and saying, "Separate," was enough to make them decide whether they actually wanted to separate for a while or whether the squabble wasn't worth stopping playing together. It was a method I used throughout all my kids' childhood, and it worked fairly well. I do have one story to end with: My daughter was eleven months old and the tiniest of children of her age. She was a sweet-natured little girl. One day she was sitting in the shopping cart and reached back to pick up the eggs. I took them from her hands, and my tiny girl looked up at my face and shouted, "Separate!" She had apparently learned that this was the word called out to express displeasure. When she got older and played regularly with the brother who was closest in age to her she later did learn the real meaning of "separate" and learned, too, that when a squabble occurs people have the choice to work it out or separate until each person is no longer upset. Its that simple.