Guys not getting any. It's a problem so common it's one of the biggest relationship cliches in our culture. Yet for all we talk about it, real causes and solutions are rarely suggested. Instead, we shrug our shoulders. Men insult women and women insult men while both groups repeat the same, sad, stereotypical explanations, widening the communication gap between the sexes and accomplishing absolutely nothing. But the truth is, there are common reasons for for womens' reluctance. Some are our fault, some are yours, and some are nobody's fault at all!

So for all you straight guys out there who are tired of being told that you're not getting any because you're just not good enough, or that it's because women just don't like sex, or any other tired answers that aren't getting you any closer to having the sex you want, I've compiled this list. Based on my observations, reading, talking to women and personal experience as a chick, here are the 15 most common reasons women in relationships don't have sex – and what you can do about them.

Remember, you may be dealing with more than one issue, so look for combinations of these reasons as well.

Reason #1. Her testosterone is low.

Testosterone, while more abundant in men, is the same hormone that drives a woman's desire for sex. If her levels are low, desire will drop.

How To Know If This Is The Case: If she reports chronic difficulty getting aroused as her reason for having no interest in sex, low testosterone may well be the culprit.

What You Can Do: She should talk to her doctor about the issue, and if that doctor doesn't listen, find one who will (some doctors may ignore women's sexual problems or say that they're “normal”). There are hormone replacement options available, as well as prescriptions for sexual enhancement.

Reason #2. The sex sucks - and she doesn't want to tell you (or she already has).

Bad sex is not just tedious and awkward - when it's happening in a relationship, it can be heartbreaking, especially if your partner is having all the fun. Many women have a difficult time or are embarrassed about articulating their sexual needs to their partners, and may even give them a false impression from early on that things are going well.

This is irresponsible, to be sure, but at the same time, many men are unwilling to do what it takes to give their female partners pleasure. Even if you're not the kind of idiot who's too lazy to do the work or makes her feel like there's something wrong with her because she doesn't automatically get off when you do, she may have dated someone before who was.

How To Know If This Is The Case: She seems wishy-washy about whether or not she wants sex. She may seem generally interested or even quite enthusiastic about sex as a topic, but she makes excuses not to have sex with you. If you know that you've regularly decided it's okay to ignore her requests in the bedroom, this is almost definitely why you're not getting laid.

What You Can Do: Decide whether the problem is due to her not communicating, you not listening, or both. Tell her you want start from scratch and figure out what it takes to make her happy. Then, when you get her in the bedroom, listen. Ask questions. Don't take anything for granted ("Every woman loves it when I do this!") and leave your pride outside. Everyone has to learn how to please their partner, and there's nothing wrong with you if you don't instantly and magically know everything.

Reason #3.She's secretly kinky.

This is related to reason #2: there is a myth that women aren't interested in wild, kinky, or weird stuff. In reality, we're just as likely to get our gears cranked through exotic means as men are. She might be into a little bondage or spanking or roleplay, or even something stranger. And if this is what really turns her on, sex might be something of a regular disappointment.

How to know if this is the case: if she's into kinky stuff, she may be trying to give you subtle hints. She may have asked you what you think about certain activities, or she might ask your opinion on certain products or even anecdotes about other people doing crazy things. She could make jokes (that aren't really jokes) about being turned on when you playfully smack her butt or get her tangled in the bedsheets. And if you've ever caught her looking at kinky porn? No mistake!

What you can do: Ask her point blank – but with an encouraging smile on your face! - if she's into kinky stuff. If she is, she may be shy talking about it at first, and she may need you to take the lead in incorporating new activities into your bedroom routine, but for a kinkster, having an indulgent partner is one of the best things in the world.

Reason #4. She's unhappy in general.

Generally speaking, men and women have polar opposite reactions to stress and grief when it comes to sex: while men will often want more sex as a comfort and distraction from what ails them, women are more likely to withdraw and want sex less. This might mean that if the two of you are sharing your life and sharing stress factors, the problem will be doubled. Also, all-out clinical depression has the effect of reducing physical sex drive as well.

How to know if this is the case: If your lady used to be ready and randy in the bedroom, but has recently become a cold fish, look to see if there are difficult factors in her life that are making her stressed, sad, or worried. Stressors like unemployment, major life changes, financial trouble, or a loss might be the cause of her sexual reticence, so look for things like this.

What you can do: Depending on what's going on, you may just have to be supportive and wait this out, but in some cases, talking can help. Explain to her the nature of the problem, and see if she can see the upside of sex as therapeutic and stress-relieving. Helping her de-stress and cheer up can be a good way to help her get in the mood.

Reason #5. She only thinks she doesn't want to.

Physiologically and hormonally, women are different from men when it comes to getting turned on. Because we're slower to get started, we often don't crave sex until we've already started having it. Women who love sex may initiate it often because we remember how much fun it is, but generally speaking, our sex drives don't sneak up and pounce on us the way they do for guys. This means that many women who otherwise enjoy sex don't seek it out or feel “in the mood” all that much.

How to know if this is the case: She enjoys sex and wants to have it, just not very often.

What you can do: Rather than trying to initiate sex, set aside time for lengthy cuddling and making out that might get her in the mood. Be honest about your intentions, but don't put pressure on her to do anything more. However, make sure she understands and agrees that if you get all worked up from a good petting session, you're at least entitled to, er, take matters into your own hands, so to speak (as a side note, a woman who has a problem with you masturbating on your own time is nuts).

Reason #6. Something hurts.

It's possible she's avoiding sex because something about it hurts or is uncomfortable. She may not have spoken up about it because she thinks there's nothing that can be done – perhaps sex has always been unpleasant and she doesn't know it's not supposed to be.

How to know if this is the case: Think back to sex the two of you have had and ask yourself: “could some of those noises I thought were intense pleasure really signs of intense pain?” Is she unusually small, or is your penis unusually big? Size can be a good thing, but it can also hurt – a lot! Also, she may have some anatomical abnormality or other medical problem that needs to be fixed, or she may be experiencing dryness (this is often a side effect of birth control).

What you can do: First, ask her: you won't be able to help unless she owns up. Then, the solution depends on the problem: if she's dry, use lube (don't be insulted), if you're too big, try some different sex positions or shallower thrusts. If she has medical problems, it's time for her talk to her gyno.

Reason #7. You smell.

Simply put, it's not easy to be close and cuddly with someone with b.o. or bad breath. Remember: not only do guys sweat more, but women have more sensitive noses, so even if you don't detect a problem, she might. And if you DO notice some odor, there's almost no chance she doesn't.

How to know if this is the case: If she regularly nags you to please shower or brush your teeth, these problems could be keeping her at a distance. She may think she's being clear enough about this, but frankly, we women often think we're being clear to men when our messages might as well be in Swahili.

What you can do: Get your butt in the bathroom.