Maybe I'll be doomed for eternity for saying this.
Maybe I won't...
Who cares when I no longer believe in such beings....

There is no God for me.
I don't ask anyone to agree.
I'm not trying to ask anyone to believe what I am about to say..
I'm just saying because I wish to...
Perhaps it's just part of my rebellious nature trying
to vent itself before bursting altogether.

There will always be a being called God in those who believe in such.
Sure... I don't have a problem with that.
I am saying that I do not and therefore does not exist in my life.

Millions of times...
I have been constantly asked by so many people...
"Do you believe in God?"
Sure I hated him... Perhaps then I believed in his existance.
But now, thinking back it was just people.
There is nothing that helped me.
Therefore there is no God.
Not to me.

If I was to tell the christians that I have been asked by
millions of people to come to church, most of them would say,
"God's looking for you."
"God's wating for you to open the door to your heart."
"He has a divine plan for you. blah blah blah etc etc etc."
I'd like to say to them from now on, "You're bothersome."

Believers might pity me.
Some might indeed do that for me for not being able to see and
enjoy and share the beauty and the gift that they have received from their God..

The problem is not mine to be concerned with...
It will never be...

Come to think of it, baptism was simply an act that made
my whole family artificially believe that we belonged to
a certain community or a group as one of many members...

Come to think of it, the comfort I felt when I dozed in front of
the statue of Maria was not her presence nor that of God
but a mere cleanliness that I felt and saw,
a mere chastity that I felt with immature mindset,
a mere childish innocence that I perceived with my pitifully young brain deceiving and connecting one thing with another...

There is no God for me...

The life that I am living in can not have such thing as God...

It can not be this painful and ugly and disgusting, hideous even if there truly is a supernatural being who can change everything with nothing but will-power...

Sure, he works in a mysterious ways.

Sure, he provides us obstacles.

"Whatever" is the answer to whoever says that to me.

I don't need God..
Spare me the lecture about being able to have absolute trust.
Spare me the lecture about being able to have absolute faith.
I believe in nothing but myself.
Call me arrogant,
Call me selfish.
Call me egotistic.
Call me stupid.
Call me reckless.
I won't argue with you.
In fact I'll even agree with you.

There is no reason for me to believe such a pointless thing.

What can I say....
The Absolute belief; "Believe in me and you'll go to heaven"
thing never appealed to me in the first place...

Whichever way I look into this "God", he's not my ideal type of guy.

The only thing I like about him is that at least he's making those people I am somewhat close with happy.