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Roger Clemens to Use Britney Spears’ Hair as a Ball Warmer

posted May 7, 2007 - 5:36pm
Roger Clemens to Use Britney Spears’ Hair as a Ball Warmer

With the announcement the New York Yankees will pay Roger Clemens $28 million to pitch for the rest of the season, Clemens becomes so wealthy, he can finally indulge in some significant and very personal dreams:

• Rename the Kansas City Royals: “Fumbles McSuckfest and the Blind Boys of Baseball
• Get a life-sized, full-body tattoo of Jessica Simpson. Have it removed after the wife sees it.
• Hire former pitching coach Don Zimmer just so he can rub his head for luck.
• Pay Sanjaya to scream the national anthem from the bullpen every night, no matter who has been asked to sing “officially”.
• Rachel Ray to cater snacks in the dugout during seventh inning stretch, dressed as Wonder Woman.
• Starve Barry Bonds until is he 135 lbs, then laugh when his giant head makes him tip over.
• Buy the Elephant man’s bones from Michael Jackson. Then buy Michael Jackson’s bones.
• Change the rules so all opposing players have to run the bases on all fours.
• Getting back in baseball is just a stepping stone to becoming the next Next Pussycat Doll.

Author: Mike Reilly
-A +A


Comments

MythMan Is Impatient!

mythman - Thu, 2007-2-8 1:37 am
I say why ... oh whatever ... What do You Think? Join Xomba to Tell Us!Get More Traffic to Your Blogs by Telling Tools What You're Already Doing!

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Full-Body Tattoo of Jessica Simpson?

mythman - Thu, 2007-2-8 1:29 am
I say why settle for ink when you can have the real thing way cheaper? Plus, the ink would kinda scar, whereas the real thing comes right off and slides back on fairly easily after you build up the right calluses:~}} What do You Think? Join Xomba to Tell Us!Get More Traffic to Your Blogs by Telling Tools What You're Already Doing!

---when You Join Xomba, you can join this- and MythMan's other-hot discussions!

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