Several politicians have been advocating energy independence. They
say that we are essentially held hostage by foreign oil. This is
obviously true - any of us could use mass transit or drive a hybrid
car to use less oil, but that's not the only way we are held hostage.

Did you ever notice how similar the word "al-gebra" is to "Al Queda"?
Yes, they are both Arabic. Those pesky Arabs developed Algebra many
centuries ago - no wonder we struggle with it. Express your American
patriotism - boycott algebra!

The next area may be more of a challenge - but true Americans should
be willing to make any sacrifice to keep our country safe and secure.
Did you know that our numbers are actually Arabic numerals? Yes,
those familiar numbers, which we always thought were ours, are
derived from Arabic. And did you realize that these Arabic numerals
are on our social security cards! And our car license plates! They
are everywhere! Our government has been completely compromised!
Remember the opening scene of "The Matrix" - the raining down of
numbers? Even the rain has betrayed us!

Show your patriotism through numeric independence - use Roman
numerals. Consider how safe your social security number would be if
it was MXLCVI-XLIII-MCXLVI instead of those relatively easily decoded
standard numbers.

Those Arabs also developed the cushioned mattress - but there's no
reason to get fanatical about all this, right?